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Michael told us that children were the only reason worth living for. Why didn’t we listen?

December 19, 2012

This post has turned into a diary as each day new comments had to be added here from another post.

December 19, 2012.  ALFRED KINSEY’S LEGACY

Don't you worry, child?

Don’t you worry child?

Guys, I must confess to you that I am going through a terrible crisis.

It  started with all the injustice towards Michael Jackson from the media and the public, and their hypocrisy in harassing an innocent man while overlooking the problem of real child abuse.

LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE The parties who contributed to the Pennsylvania University report

LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE report Those who contributed to it

This was followed by the Pennsylvania University report about sexual exploitation of children in North America which I partially retyped swallowing tears on the way. It turns out that children are abused on a mass scale and mostly in families – by relatives and those whom children know and not by strangers as everyone thinks. The abused minors run away from homes and form an army of street children who have to sell sex for survival. They flock to sun-and-sand cities where really “big bucks” are.  Many respected fathers of families go there as conventioneers and pay for sex with the young (the younger the child is, the higher fee is). Then they happily return home and raise their own children. The “sun and sand” cities are Los Angeles, San Francisco and the like.

Incidentally, the California state which has a life-long tradition of persecuting Michael Jackson for no reason at all, is also a place with the highest rate of commercial sexual exploitation of children in the US. To me it looks like an explanation why they chose to harass Michael Jackson at all – behind the smokescreen of a “fight” against Michael’s imaginary “crimes” it was much easier to hide real and mass sexual abuse of children blossoming in California on an incredibly large scale.

LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE Those who contributed to the report (page 2 of the acknowledgements)

LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE Page 2 of those who contributed to the report (click to enlarge)

I personally would call the Pennsylvania University eye-opening and shattering report a Leave The Kids Alone scream, though officially it carries a rather calm title The Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children In The U.S., Canada and Mexico. The report was made in 2001/2002 by the university sociology professors  on the basis of extensive information from the FBI and other knowledgeable sources. For the parties involved in the study see the two lists on the right please.

The link to the Pennsylvania University report is here : http://es.scribd.com/doc/78886345/The-Commercial-Sexual-Exploitation-of-Children-In-the-U-S-Canada-and-Mexico-Complete-CSEC-020220  If you want to know the scope of real child abuse and its specifics in the US these days the information it contains will be simply invaluable to you.

Kinsey shows children a documentary about animals engaged in sex

Mad sexologist Alfred Kinsey is showing children a documentary about animals engaged in sex…

It just happened that this report was followed by a talk  in the comments section about a mad revolutionary professor Alfred Kinsey and his mad effect on the Western society. The two are closely interconnected as Kinsey’s madness began sometime in the 1950s , and its results and effect are illustrated by the Pennsylvania University report made fifty years later.

The frightened and disturbed faces of children watching it (from

… and here are the frightened and disturbed faces of children watching it (from “The Kinsey Syndrome”)

A lot can be said about this pervert and pseudo-scientist, however I will limit myself to a link to a very serious documentary about Alfred Kinsey called The Kinsey Syndrome. Among other things you will learn that for his “studies” Kinsey was using the services of pedophiles, did not give them in and was sort of encouraging them in their practices…

A couple of shots from the documentary are provided on the left and right here.  Looking at them you will probably wonder why Kinsey wasn’t handcuffed then and there and why he is honored now as one of the greatest authorities in science. I also wondered what they would have done to Michael Jackson if he had been guilty of just a little bit of what Kinsey did. And after that some people are not paying attention to how sham the campaign against Michael was!

By false allegations against the innocent Michael Jackson they were simply distracting attention from the grave sexualization of children and real erosion of society done on a mass scale behind everyone’s back!  While the media and prosecution didn’t know what else to invent about Jackson, all those dirty deeds of a huge academic pedophilia  lobby thriving now were right here, under everyone’s nose – only no one noticed as they were looking in the direction of a totally innocent man.  There can be no doubt that this was actually the whole idea of the campaign  from the very start of it…

Here is a link to the documentary about Alfred Kinsey – http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=D81T4fe8qME&NR=1  After watching it the alleged Michael Jackson’s tickling of Jason Francia “on two occasions on the outside of his clothes” would look to you as a mere (and incredible) joke – even if those “two occasions” had been true (which they are not).

Watch the documentary. And then compare Michael Jackson and Alfred Kinsey and what was done to one and wasn’t done to the other, and it is this comparison which will boggle your mind.

It happened so that after a talk about Kinsey came a massacre at a Connecticut school arranged by a quiet and clever young guy who smashed his computer first and then started  killing for some reason. He had difficulties with adaptation to the society but was otherwise harmless or at least looked so. His mother possessed 5 guns and had a hobby of shooting in her free time instead of trying to adapt her son to life. This resulted in her own death and the death of 26 other innocent victims, 20 of whom were young children.

Some paper says that she  took her son out of school as she protested to the plans the authorities had for him, but no one explains what these plans were and why he was homeschooled though he was bright enough for a college. The media does not try to analyze the inner, psychological reasons why all this happened except that they talk about the evil of guns, which is so obvious that it is even unnecessary to discuss.

Vika was born in November 2000

Vika  lives in an orphanage. She was born in November 2000

Then the child theme was picked up by our glorious Russian  institution which calls itself parliament. This institution has now approved a law not allowing adoption of Russian children by the US people and despite my attitude towards our authorities, after reading about Kinsey’s legacy for the US it is the first time that I am at a loss and terribly hesitant.  Adopted children do indeed die one after another after horrendous beatings and sexual abuse  in some US families (see here:  http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/46524) and what abuse goes unreported only God knows.

On the other hand I’ve looked up our statistics and found that Russian children die from the hands of their biological parents at the rate of 1800 a year.  This was quite a shock to me.  I knew that drinking mothers often abandon their children and they are raised in orphanages, but I didn’t know of the deaths and so many of them… Our general opinion  has always been that orphans, especially those with a troubled past and an array of hereditary diseases, are better off if taken abroad – over there they will receive better medical treatment and good care. But after learning of all that sexual abuse and deaths of adopted children these benefits I am no longer convinced of.  At least in their orphanages these children were alive.

And when all of the above was followed by information about four children including a newborn baby taken away from a caring Russian mother living in Finland and married to a Finn my nerves were completely shattered into pieces. It seems that the elder girl said at school that the father had slapped her on her back with his hand and as a result of that all four children were taken away from their mother in accordance with European norms.

Michael would understand...

Michael would have understood …[MJ is attending the funeral of an AIDS victim Ryan White]

In other words life has suddenly focused on one single problem – children and what we so carelessly do to them, and I cannot think of anything else, even MJ.

Though Michael would have surely understood and would have probably felt in the same way. He always knew that all children are our common children, that their problems are our common problems and that there can be nothing more important than children in our lives…

I have no solutions. All I can say is that all these problems are simply impossible to bear any longer – all this child abuse is impossible, all these politics are impossible, all these innocent deaths are impossible, all this human cruelty, lack of understanding, lies, hypocrisy, madness and inability to find a proper way out – all this is simply impossible to live with.

Can’t we do something about it?

December 20, 2012.  ADOPTION

Great parents!

Wonderful American parents…

Today I’ve spent half a day looking for information on adoption of children by Americans and found very many good and happy stories. This is what we actually always thought and expected which is why our people were always happy when children were adopted abroad.

And their happy children

… for three Russian girls

Here are some of these stories. These three girls were exceptionally lucky – their American parents are kind, loving and wonderful in every way!
http://www.dontforgetthechildren.com/?p=166

The pictures of adopted children show that all of them gradually become more adjusted, happy and normal when taken into families – even those who initially had some dysfunctions:

http://englishrussia.com/2007/12/19/adopted-russian-kids/

“Maybe Russia could have asked for better prior adoption screening and follow up instead of stopping adoption all together.”

This is what I was told in the comment. My spontaneous reply was – please do not confuse the Russian people with our authorities and don’t throw all of us into one pile. I shudder when someone on the top takes decisions for us and this is regarded as “Russia’s” decisions. Nothing can be further from the truth – we are two different worlds apart living lives of our own, the authorities live theirs, while we live ours with a huge gap in between. The people have no opportunity to influence the decisions taken by President or by our “parliament” (which no one elected as the elections were sham). This was what actually all recent rallies were all about.

The ban on the adoption had a pre-history. First the US looked into the death of a man who died while kept in detention and took a decision not to allow the officials connected with his wrongful death to enter the US (rightfully so, in my opinion). Then our authorities retaliated by forbidding the adoption of Russian kids. One clearly has nothing to do with the other and they used it just as a pretext.

adoption

Before and after adoption into a family

On the other hand I do not rule out that some of parliamentaries may be genuinely concerned. The problem is that there were 19 horrendous deaths of our children in the US, as well as cases of their sexual abuse or neglect (like an adoptive parent returning one boy by plane saying she no longer wanted him). If there had been no such statistics there would have been no pretext either, and without the pretext they wouldn’t have taken such a decision.

But they had this pretext. In fact the number of deaths among adopted children amounts to the number of child victims in a recent shooting by Lanza. So by their cruelty to children some adoptive parents put a stop to a good process which normal people from both sides only welcomed. Their neglect and callousness were used in big politics, enabling hate to win over love in the long run.

December 21, 2012. DANGERS AND HOPES

This was the text I wrote as a reply to Rodrigo’s comment on another post:

“The evil and injustice is unbearable, Helena. But me, you, and other’s out there who are fighting the same fight CANNOT afford to fall apart. It’s easier said than done. We’ve both experienced the evil and injustice on a grand scale, greater than what we started with.” – Rodrigo

I am not falling apart – every crisis after the initial turmoil brings about better understanding of things and sometimes even helps to make a leap forward.

Michael’s death in 2009 also brought about a huge crisis in my life – it was a shock to realize the terrible injustice done to an exceptionally pure, innocent and harmless person whose only desire was to do good to the world. And see what we did to him in return… Three years of non-stop investigation has made me more than sure that Michael Jackson was completely innocent. You can believe me that I can write a hundred more new posts to prove this point and shatter every remaining allegation into pieces.

But suddenly a new crisis came along – research of all the circumstances around Michael Jackson opened up a terrible picture of at least two more processes taking place now. The first process is a totally despicable behavior of profit-seeking, hypocritical media which creates a smokescreen of “fight against pedophilia” by continuing to degrade innocent Michael (but totally ignoring the real problem) and the hordes of lazy and ignorant people believing these lies and not moving their little finger to learn a little truth.

Paul Gebhard replaced Alfred Kinsey as a director of Kinsey Institute (a shot from The Kinsey Syndrome documentary)

“The poor paedophile… had his reputation destroyed…finally quite corresponding with us“, says Paul Gebhard who replaced Alfred Kinsey as a director of Kinsey Institute (a shot from The Kinsey Syndrome documentary)

And the second process is the erosion of basic morals of the society by real pedophiles and a powerful academic lobby who are very successful in sexualization children and are working hard to bring down the last barriers to pedophilia the world over with the help of pseudo-scientists like Alfred Kinsey, author of “sex revolution” in the 60s, and thousands of his followers.

A quote from Waldren Pomeroy's book. He was Kinsey's associate and the first Dean of the degree-granting Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. Degrees are offered in Master of Human Sexuality, Master of Public Health in Human Sexuality, and Doctor of Human Sexuality, as well as Doctor of Education and Doctor of Philosophy degrees with a focus in sexology and erotology. They also offer professional certificates in: Associate in Sex Education, Clinical Sexology, Sexological Bodywork, Sexological Instructor/Advisor of AIDS/STI Prevention, Sex Coaching, Sexological Hypnotism, and Erotology Certificates. These experts then teach the US children at school

“Incest between adults and younger children can… prove to be a satisfying and enriching experience”. This is a quote from a book by Waldren Pomeroy, another Kinsey’s associate. He was the first Dean of the degree-granting Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. Masters Degrees are offered in Human Sexuality, Public Health in Human Sexuality, Education and Doctor of Philosophy degrees with a focus in sexology and erotology. They also offer professional certificates in Sex Education, Clinical Sexology, Sexological Bodywork, Sexological Instructor/Advisor of AIDS/STI Prevention, Sex Coaching, Sexological Hypnotism, and Erotology Certificates. These Waldren Pomeroy’s followers teach children in US schools.

The Pennsylvania University report of 2001/02 mentioned above shows that pedophilia is spreading like the plague after Kinsey sowed the first seeds and his followers promoted his perverse ideas contaminating every sphere of the society.

Now we are reaping the rotten fruit of what they did in the form of numerous Saviles, Sanduskys and thousands of ordinary family men who are not above some occasional sex with underage children if such services are offered on the “market”.

For information about it please see the section of Pennsylvania University report on the so-called “transient” males including members of the military, truck drivers, seasonal workers, conventioneers, sex tourists and “opportunistic” exploiters (i.e., personas who will sexually abuse whoever is available for sex including children) and the scale of the problem.

I will post some pieces from that report one day and they will show to you (same as they did to me) that most of child-abuse cases take place within families, which is why children run away from homes and then their life goes further downhill with drugs, survival sex and diseases also getting into the picture. When they find themselves in the street various “opportunistic” exploiters use these children for their pleasure – however the starting point for ruining these young lives is still in the families, and very often in quite prosperous ones too.

Though the prospect of being abused in an adoptive family may be real, a no better situation is created when thousands of children are kept in child-care centers and have never known a family life at all. So adoption still remain the only way out for these children and a chance to provide a better future for a child. Even if the children are physically healthy all orphans are still traumatized by not having parents of their own. Many of them had a disastrous past and the forced need to live the first 18 years of their life in various state institutions doesn’t make things much better.

So when we choose between an (adoptive) family which sometimes may be a risk to a child and similar dangers faced by the kid in child-care centers, we find ourselves between Scilla and Charybdis where every wrong move may result in a huge damage to a child – placing the kid in a wrong family may do enormous harm and leaving the kid in a special institution forever will surely do harm too.

Even if the child lives in a model child-care center and is very well taken care of there, at the age of 18 all of them have to go out into life which is like open sea to them – they feel helpless in most ordinary circumstances as they have never lived alone.  As a result 10% commit suicide, 40% become addicted to drugs or alcohol, 40% end up in prison, and only 10% find their place in life.

The situation inside orphanages is slowly getting better, but even if the child avoids the dangers of harm, cruelty and abuse within the state walls, the biggest problem of these children is their further adaptation to society. When they leave their state institutions, which was the only home they ever had, they feel all alone, have little money, and no social skills whatsoever. They don’t know how to handle even the little money they have, as they have never paid for food, clothes, or utilities on their own. They are fearful of others but being essentially helpless, they become easy prey to all sort of crooks who know how to win their trust. These predators cheat them out of the housing provided to them by the state, and many of the graduates of child-care institutions soon end up homeless as a result. It was with great joy that I learned that all graduates of such child-care centers in Moscow are provided with flats when they reach the age of 18, but the terrible news is that many of them are unable to keep the flats to themselves as they get easily cheated out of them – a flat is a big asset here.

In the provincial areas housing is a much bigger problem due to scarce financing and children have to wait long until they are provided with a corner of their own. Some are allotted a room in a flat shared with another graduate, and sometimes it is a total stranger, and who knows what this neighbor may turn out to be?

Up till now the adoption of these children by Russians accounted for two thirds of the whole number, while foreigners accounted for at least one third (if not more) and most of the adoptive parents were Americans. Now that our authorities have banned adoption of Russian children by the US the chances that these children will ever have a family and a stable future have greatly diminished, alas. The chance is left for all the others though and it will be horrible if this chance is lost, in my opinion. Our authorities can close this channel at any time now.

Vika:

Vika: “If someone adopts me I hope it will be a good family. I hope we will go to the sea in summer…”

I’ve spent several past days on adoption sites and it is with much trepidation, fear, doubt, but also hope that I will provide to you videos of children who in 5 or 6 years from now will leave the child-care centers and will find themselves facing our social environment which is not easy to survive in, especially for them.

But given that at least some of those who closely monitor this blog may be pedophiles, making such a step on my part may be very reckless.

So let me address only those of you whom I trust and know to be good and reliable people from my correspondence with you over Michael Jackson’s issues – please make enquiries among your relatives, friends, colleagues and neighbors who are trustworthy people, and ask them if they want to adopt a young teenager in order to give the kid family warmth and a stable future. If there is such a desire and these people are ready for the difficulties this decision will surely involve I am ready to help them in communicating with the necessary authorities.

At the moment I will translate only one video. The girl seems to me a complete blessing:

Vika (full name Victoria): My name is Vika, I am eleven years old.

Voiceover: Vika is a born actress. When she is on stage in school performances she behaves absolutely natural and doesn’t feel self-conscious. On the contrary she opens up there and shows all her talents in full.

Vika at 0:20: This is a mouse made of seed beeds. I made it last Monday.

Voiceover: Vika sings in a melodic voice, and has a good ear always hitting the right note. When she dances she gracefully repeats the dance moves she has learned. In short she surely has a talent for performing.
Vika is a gentle and open child. When she is on duty in class she performs her chores well. She tidies up her bed each morning and accurately puts her clothes on hangers. She is very responsive to tenderness, thanks you for each word of encouragement and gives you her tenderness back.
She also has a very valuable quality, worthy of respect. When she sees some injustice, Vika will not complain or report to anyone, but if you ask her about what happened, she will not be afraid to tell the truth. You may be sure that she will say everything as it really was without any exaggeration or unfairness. This is a very honest girl who sincerely hopes that her mother and father will soon come and take her into their family.

Vika at 1:11 “If I am adopted, I hope that my family will be good, and that during school holidays we will travel, and in summer go to the beach, to the sea or some other country. And I dream that my family will be the best”.

* * *

There are many children like that. The thought of this girl spending six more years in a cold state child-care institution and sailing in the open sea all alone after that makes me take this unprecedented move.

This is the first time I am doing anything of the kind and am shaking like a schoolgirl myself.

I have no idea what past troubles this girl went through and what future difficulties might be awaiting her future parents, but the feeling that this cannot be left as it is does not give  me any quiet either.

Let us do something about it. And may the Almighty help us.

December 22, 2012. UNDERSTANDING MICHAEL

Rodrigo sent the following comment which had to be moved here as it found itself in the wrong post again:

“Looking at that video. We sit here, hoping for this and that that for Christmas, and all that little girl wants is a loving family, which is unlikely to happen for her on December 25th. My heart aches for her.”

Yes, these children spend their whole lives dreaming of a better future, and when it never comes they eventually break down or get cold, unfeeling and even brutal. Now that I’ve read much more about their situation I’m amazed to find many points of similarity between their problems and the problems Michael Jackson faced as a child and then in adult life.

It turns out that even if these children live in more or less satisfactory conditions – are fed, clothed, schooled, entertained, medically taken care of and are even given numerous gifts by kind visitors and benefactors – the first thing they greatly suffer of is deprivation of an individual loving parent. There are many people around them, some are better, some are worse, but they desperately long for being singled out of the mass and be unique to someone. If they see warmth from someone they can form attachments for this person as if for a real mother/father, and it isn’t necessarily their ‘official’ caretaker, but may be anyone – a cleaning woman, or even a volunteer who comes only on occasions but singles out this child with special warmth.

Michael suffered from parental deprivation very much indeed.

“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.”

“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.”

Most of the time he was away from home travelling with his brothers and father. Joe Jackson can be struck off as a parent and the fact that this cruel beast was a father to these children only makes things worse – children expect more of a father than of a care-taker in an orphanage who receives money for the job. And the mother in Michael’s life was a sort of a distant fairy who was somewhere in his dreams and recollections, but was mostly absent as they travelled while she stayed at home with the girls. The only person with whom Michael could more or less form a unique relationship was his Jewish teacher Rose who accompanied them everywhere on tours.

Michael was the youngest and needed such a unique relationship most and happily he had at least Rose. From what Michael said about her to Rabbi Shmuley she was strict but seemed to be a loving person and this probably saved Michael.

It’s only when I started reading about our orphans that I began to understand Michael’s real problems.

Children in orphanages are never left alone to themselves – they are always together in a group, they have meals in a group, attend school in a group, have numerous activities in a group, go on excursions or for a walk in a group. In fact everything is done in a group and they are not allowed to even go to their room and stay there by themselves. They are never left alone and are never given a single minute of privacy. This total deprivation of privacy is not done on purpose – this is simply how it is organized as this way it is easier to keep an eye on them. This brings much discipline and regularity into their lives but makes them terribly dependent on others.

And when they leave the orphanage they, in full contrast to all their past life, suddenly find themselves totally free. This is when their real problems start. They never had any spare time in their whole life, and have never been alone and now all of a sudden they have all the freedom in the world and no one beside them. They don’t know what to do with their freedom and have no one to rely on or give advice.

They don’t know the most basic things about individual form of living and are so disadapted that they don’t know how to use a refrigerator – in their orphanages there are no refrigerators, all food was brought from elsewhere or was cooked by the staff, so that the children had no food of their own and no money to buy it for anyway.

They don’t know how to use the little money they have as they never paid for anything themselves – everything was provided for, and at some point they begin thinking that this is the only way it can ever be at all. When they receive their first money they spend it within the first three days on totally unnecessary things with nothing left for food. They don’t even know how to clean their flat because in their orphanage this was done by cleaners and they grow up thinking that this should be done only by those who receive money for it…

In short at the age of 20 they behave almost like 12-year olds, who are also demanding and unhappy. This is what social disadaptation is all about.

By the way since they are unable to live and function on their own, they often get together again, living in one flat while the rest of the flats are rented out – and again the same pattern of “group living” is reproduced. They don’t form families as a result, are unable to work but have all free time in the world with all its negative consequences.

Michael’s childhood may look different only at first sight while in reality it wasn’t that much different.

MJ: There were times when I had great times with my brothers, pillow fights and things, but I was, used to always cry from loneliness.

MJ: There were times when I had great times with my brothers, pillow fights and things, but I was, used to always cry from loneliness.

The only thing you can deduct from Michael’s childhood is overprotection, but all the rest of it was there – harsh and even cruel discipline, no spare time, no privacy, the need to always stay in a group of his siblings and never having a chance to be on his own, constant rehearsing, working, travelling. No contacts with anyone else and no other activities except those on stage and not in the best social environment too considering that they had to perform even in sex clubs.

In short it is the same type of life resembling you of living in a cage with total social disadaptation and disorientation as a result. And only attending the religious services and associating with normal people there formed a sort of a counterbalance to everything else.

Michael was used to work and this helped him out a lot, but the rest of it was there – even his attempts to reproduce a “group style” of living with the help of his friends and their children who gave him a feeling of a “family” around him. After living in a crowd for so many years he surrounded himself with mannequins to recreate the illusion of people around him thus restoring the only type of social interaction he actually knew, with lots of people around but no one having any special attachment for him. These were the only family and other relations he had and since he never saw anything else it was extremely difficult for him to form a family of his own.

Mj rare 7 young

MJ: . . . I never did birthdays or Christmases – or sleepovers or none of that simple, fun stuff [in my childhood]. Or going into a shopping market and just grabbing something off the counter, you know all those simple things like going out in society and being normal. That’s why when I befriend people it’s usually not the celebrities, it’s usually the simple normal family somewhere. I want to know what their life is like. That’s why I went to that hut in China or going to some of the mud houses in South America. I want to know what it is like. I have slept in crazy places where people say. “Are you nuts?” And I say, “No. I want to know what it’s like.”

Children like that require social rehabilitation and special corrective methods to teach them how to function in a society and acquire its simplest patterns of behavior. This is why Michael was so much longing to see what family life is like and often stayed in other people’s houses. He never had it and wanted to learn how to.

This is also how they are trying to rehabilitate our orphans now – by placing them in families before it is too late and before they get totally disadapted, otherwise they will need many years of post-orphanage monitoring and assistance. The state system saved these children from the street where they found themselves in the difficult 90s but created new problems, which now show that only the family pattern works.

The family is the crux of this whole matter.

Michael was forced to follow the pattern of life of our social orphans almost to the letter of it – first he was subjected to parent deprivation and harsh discipline in a group, and later he had to close himself up in almost full isolation due to the mass adoration and hysteria around him. And I am not even talking about his illnesses like vitiligo, lupus and a burn which only add to the feeling of isolation which even the best socially adapted person will develop in such circumstances.

As a result of all that Michael was not socially adapted at all. Add to it some racial problems too and you have soooooooo much of everything that I cannot believe how Michael managed to turn into a pure, kind and humane man he was.

December 23, 2012. AN ORPHAN IN THE ADULT WORLD

“I agree very much with your perceptive assessment of Michael’s childhood, namely, his “parental deprivation”. As you say, his tutor Rose was the only supportive, nurturing presence to accompany him on his numerous tours. No wonder he came to love reading and learning. Incidentally, reading IS something you do alone, and I have no doubt it was an escape for him from a demanding, lonely world, as well as a way to be alone and to enrich his mind and knowledge.” – aldebaranredstar

Aldebaran, when Michael was speaking about his childhood and even wrote a song about it, I could not really understand what he was trying to say. I think this condition is actually very difficult to describe, especially for a child who doesn’t understand himself what happened to him and cannot explain. And this makes it all the more difficult for us to understand what he is trying to communicate.

It was only when reading some perceptive psychological analyses about how children deprived of their parents feel in orphanages and what problems they face upon graduation that some light began to dim at the end of this tunnel. And it was then that some similarities with Michael suddenly sprang to my eye.

So many things began to fit in, and in addition to everything already mentioned even some contradictions in Michael’s character suddenly received an explanation. For example, after many years of living alone in the world of adults (and similar children) orphans develop severe contrasts in their character – they are vulnerable, frightened like hell, but always defend themselves by a don’t-meddle-with-me mask thus combining at least two personalities in one.

They can also be both shrewd and intelligent,  but behave like helpless infants having no clue about the most common and easiest things (how to use a refrigerator, as I’ve already said). I recall that Michael derived exceptional joy from learning how to use a vacuum cleaner and showed it with pride to someone who visited him in a rehab in 1993. That person was embarassed when he saw how proud Michael was of his ‘achievement’. However there was nothing to be embarassed about – in terms of social skills Michael’s vagabond hotel lifestyle with forced isolation from the outside world was no better than a life in prison.

Orphans living among adults form their own skills for survival but these skills have nothing to do with the skills of children entering the same life from normal families (even unhappy ones). They are half kids and half old people. They are savvy in some matters of adult life (Michael could make contracts when he was young) but if they have money they will be mad about toys and spend money on them without thinking whether they have enough for tomorrow’s food. Their relations with money are also very peculiar – they are both money-saving and spendthrift.

I recalled Michael’s words: “I was a veteran before I was a teenager” and realized that all these children are veterans before they are teenagers – they have gone through and seen so much by their teens that under normal circumstances a rare adult goes through anything like that. Judging them by the merits of our world is the biggest mistake we can make – and this is what the media and the public have always done in respect of Michael Jackson.

[MJ is doing shopping with his nephews]. From Rabbi Shmuley's book - MJ: You feel like a prisoner and you feel like you are going to die. And that’s it. I am walking and I would just go walking down the street and traffic would get backed up and people would be taking pictures. I knew I looked sad and some people would come up and talk, and they would go. -”What are you doing?” I’d go, “I am walking.” They’d go, “Why are you walking? Where are all the guards?” I said. “I don’t feel like all that. I just want to walk and I am looking for someone to talk to me.” So they would talk to me. I’ve done that many times. I’d ask people to be my friend and they’d say. “Sure.” It’s true. I’d go to the parks. Then I realized that that could be dangerous too, but I was hurting that much.SB: Were they intimidated when you asked them to be your friend? Did they say, “I can’t be your friend. . . you are Michael Jackson?”MJ: I would even ask for their phone numbers.

[MJ is doing shopping with his nephews].                MJ: You feel like a prisoner and you feel like you are going to die. And that’s it. I am walking and I would just go walking down the street and traffic would get backed up and people would be taking pictures. I knew I looked sad and some people would come up and talk, and they would go. -”What are you doing?” I’d go, “I am walking.” They’d go, “Why are you walking? Where are all the guards?” I said. “I don’t feel like all that. I just want to walk and I am looking for someone to talk to me.” So they would talk to me. I’ve done that many times. I’d ask people to be my friend and they’d say. “Sure.” It’s true. I’d go to the parks. Then I realized that that could be dangerous too, but I was hurting that much.
SB: Were they intimidated when you asked them to be your friend? Did they say, “I can’t be your friend. . . you are Michael Jackson?”
MJ: I would even ask for their phone numbers. [From Rabbi Shmuley’s tapes]

Now that I’ve read just a little bit about the world of orphans Michael’s desire to always have a substitute family by his side and preferably children (of whom he was less afraid and whom he understood best) becomes really understandable to me.

To understand that it is just enough to know that they group together upon graduation in one flat again searching for psychological security, comfort and survival.

One of their innumerable problems is that they crave for privacy which they never had, but at the same time cannot live alone in principle if no one took care to socially adapt them.

Some American parents laughingly write about their children adopted from Russian orphanages that they cannot sleep alone in rooms with their doors shut – the doors should always be open. After reading things like that Michael’s request to Dr. Klein that his whole staff should sleep in his room when they accompanied him on a tour (to enable him to sleep) does not surprise me in the least any more.

Michael wasn’t ‘weird’ – he was just an orphan who had to live alone among adults in the adult world.

After making this discovery I feel like we have never really known Michael (and this after three years of our research!)  and have to start it all over again, this time from a totally new perspective.

34 Comments leave one →
  1. February 2, 2013 2:49 pm

    I’ve received a message from the “Stop child pornography” cause and am forwarding it. Michael would want us to fight this terrible malady and protect children’s innocence – the right of children to be kids and not “sexual beings” (as pseudo-scientists like Kinsey say).

    Quiz: How many children are estimated to be victims of sexual exploitation every year?

    15,000
    150,000
    300,000
    1 Million
    2 Million+

    According to UNICEF, an estimated 2 million children are sexually exploited each year throughout the world. Currently, Human Trafficking is the 2nd highest lucrative criminal activity in the world, surpassing illegal arms dealing and second only to international drug trafficking. The United Nations definition of human trafficking is “The recruitment, transportation, transfer, harbouring or receipt of persons, by means of the threat or use of force or other forms of coercion, of abduction, of fraud, of deception, of the abuse of power or of a position of vulnerability or of the giving or receiving of payments or benefits to achieve the consent of a person having control over another person, for the purpose of exploitation”.

    It is also important to understand that, the heart of the concept of TRAFFICKING IN PERSONS is the DENIAL of the LIBERTY of another. In a word, it is slavery.

    http://www.causes.com/causes/315921-stop-child-pornography?ctm=reposted_module

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  2. January 15, 2013 3:09 am

    While the scars from child abuse are manmade (or woman for that matter) as your,VMJ article clearly explained, I feel that I should add that this is not the case with Aspergers syndrome or autism. Most people may know this,but anyway..these disdorders are neuropsychological in nature. It is not too long ago though when this was not understood and mothers were blamed. The word “refridgerator mother” was coined. What an injustice, first to have to deal with this disorder and on top be made to feel guilty for it.

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  3. aldebaranredstar permalink
    January 13, 2013 10:47 pm

    Hi, VMJ, thnks so much for the great photos of the demonstration. I love the idea of throwing the photos of the lawmakers into the garbage cans.

    I read what you found about the effects of child abuse. This is very true and good info. The effects are devastating, esp.when it started in Michael’s case at such an early age, was so severe and so total, and continued for his whole life until he managed to get away, at least partially, from the abuse by moving out of the family home, firing Joe as his manager, and going solo. I am familiar with this b/c (confession) I also came from an abusive home and struggled many, many years with these symptoms. I saw a number of therapists in my search for healing. Some helped, some made it worse (unbelievably). It takes a lot of time to heal and I am not sure Michael ever did really heal.

    If you were abused as a child, you actually tend to select people who are similar to the abuser b/c that is what is familiar to you. I think this has something to do with why Michael did not have a good ‘radar’ to detect abusers in his life (like Chandlers, managers, and people around him). On the other hand, he was a big target for people who were expert manipulators. I think given the severity of the abuse he suffered, he made enormous efforts to heal and rise above the abuse. You have to have a good thereapist and that is something I wonder if he ever had–Schmuley, for ex, was not helpful IMO.

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  4. January 13, 2013 7:52 pm

    “VMJ, today is the day for your demonstrations. I hope you have some impact and that the weather was the best possible.I don´t know if there will be anything on the news about it. Hope to hear from you how it went. ” – kaarin

    Kaarin, I’ve moved part of your comment to this post where it belongs much more. The march was against the anti-adoption law and our “parliament” members who voted for it. I feel a little encouraged by this march as more people than ever took part. The authorities lie about 7,000 while the real figure was no less than ten times as much, if not more. Well, at least those who came there for the first time made sure themselves what gross lies they are fed by the officials.

    I’ve looked up the internet and the protesters are called there the “dregs” of the society who stand for “selling” our children to the US. The usual mix of demagogy and lies, as the money is actually charged by our own bureaucrats who collect fees from foreigners for the papers required for adoption. Instead of changing the system they prefer to accuse us for protesting against their inhuman law. I personally would prefer to let the children be adopted free, and replace the money with an effective system of checking up how well they do in their adoptive families.

    The accusations of “working for the US” are especially funny for me as over here someone recently implied exactly the opposite. Some people are simply unable to think in any other categories. In fact they are very much alike on both sides.

    Despite the usual vilifying and suppressing the real number of people it was not that bad. Here are some photos – this is only one part of the boulevard, the second stream was running parallel to it on the other side. And this is how both sides were packed for almost two hours. And they speak of 7 thousand people only? At the end of the march they threw the photos of our parliamentaries into a garbage bin. “Disgrace” and “shame” is written across the photos:
    Moscow Jan.13, 2013 Moscow, Jan. 13, 2013 Moscow, Jan. 13, 2013

    It says: “For garbage”

    P.S. I haven’t told you that there are some voices in the Internet from those who support our authorities who called this march a “march of pedophiles” (!).

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  5. January 7, 2013 12:01 am

    Adam Lanza may have suffered from Aspergers syndrome rather than autism. These disorders share the Social difficilties, but one needs to know the full history to make a correct diagnosis.In any case they do not predispose a person to horrible violence.Just like “ordinary”people each one is an individual.Keeping guns available is still very unwise.

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  6. January 6, 2013 9:54 pm

    My description of autism below is very short. It is a complex disorder, but I will not write a chapter from a textbook on it.
    It is too bad that that Russian authorities use children as pawns for their political interests and gains.

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  7. January 6, 2013 9:26 pm

    Adam Lanza was autistic, that is just about all I know so far.Now autism comes in many forms and degrees. The core is a deficit or even abscense of the social connection to other people, incapacicity for emphaty, incapacity for bonding.Now the concept of autism has been enlaged in the latest DSM. And not all autisic children and people show above mentioned symptoms to the same or to an extreme degree.They tend to see other people as things rather than someone like themselves.They do not respond to more”ordinary” psychotherapy.(All I state is relative ofcourse,there is much variation).They do have feelings ,but have severe limits in in expresion or proper outlets for their feelings.Fear,anger can be expressed in extreme forms and in haphazard contexts.Intelligence varies greatly. Most are below average, but some are extremely intelligent in some aereas,often related to mathematics and to a degree we cannot even understand.See Dr. Oliver Sacks writings, and to calenders,being able to calculate the weekday for years in advance or in the past,things like that.Some are what is called Idiot Savants.What is strange in the Lanza case is that the mother was not part of whatever therapeutic measures was or had been in place.

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  8. January 2, 2013 1:39 am

    Almost all effects of Child Physical Abuse were present in Michael’s character including his inability to deal with his peers and keeping to the company of younger people (with whom he felt safer and interacted easier).

    Child Physical Abuse

    The primary, or first, effects of child physical abuse occur during and immediately after the abuse. The physical pain from cuts, bruises, burns, whipping, kicking, punching, strangling, binding, etc., will eventually pass, but the emotional pain will last long after the visible wounds have healed. The age at which the abuse occurs, influences the way the injuries — or any permanent damage — affect the child. The longer the abuse continues, the greater the impact on the child, regardless of age.

    Emotional Effects of Child Physical Abuse

    The emotional effects of child physical abuse continue well after any physical wounds have healed. Numerous research studies conducted with abused children as subjects have concluded that a considerable number of psychological problems develop as a result of child physical abuse. These children experienced significantly more problems in their home lives, at school, and in dealing with peers than children from non-abusive environments.

    Some psychological and emotional effects of child physical abuse include:
    • Eating disorders
    • Inability to concentrate (including ADHD)
    • Excessive hostility towards others, even friends and family members
    • Depression
    • Apathy and lethargy
    • Sleep issues – insomnia, excessive sleepiness, sleep apnea
    Physically abused children are predisposed to develop numerous psychological disturbances. They’re more likely to have low self-esteem, deal with excessive fear and anxiety, and act out aggressively toward their siblings and peers.

    Social Effects of Child Physical Abuse
    The adverse social effects of child physical abuse represent still another facet of the child’s life influenced by the abuse. Many abused children find it difficult to form lasting and appropriate friendships. They lack the ability to trust others in the most basic of ways. Children who have suffered long-term abuse lack basic social skills and cannot communicate naturally as other children can.

    These children may also exhibit a tendency to over-comply with authority figures and to use aggression for solving interpersonal issues. The social effects of child physical abuse continue to negatively influence the adult life of the abused child. They’re more likely to divorce, develop drug and alcohol addictions (and to physically abuse their own children).

    Adults, who were physically abused as children, suffer from physical, emotional and social effects of the abuse throughout their lives.
    http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/child-physical-abuse/effects-of-child-physical-abuse/

    Healing From Child Physical Abuse

    Healing from child physical abuse involves much more than merely treating the physical wounds and injuries resulting from the abuse. Recovery and healing require that the child receive treatment for the multitude of emotional and behavioral issues that arise in the physically abused child. Therapists and other mental health professionals will help the child learn to cope with pain and fear caused by the abusive adults in their lives – adults who should be trusted authority figures.

    Children who do not receive this critical help will experience difficulty healing from child physical abuse. Failing to provide post-abuse help can lead to severe psychological issues, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

    Teens and adults who suffer emotional and physical abuse also develop a number of emotional problems. They often experience deep and profound sadness and depression, anxiety, guilt, self-blame, or psychosomatic illnesses (illnesses that are a result of the mind rather than of any physical problem)

    Stages of Healing from Child Physical Abuse

    Recovery from traumatic events involves various stages and healing from child physical abuse is no different. The stages of healing from physical child abuse may include:
    Denial – children develop unhealthy coping skills to mask the negative feelings and emotional issues brought on by the abuse
    Reaching out – at this point, the danger of remaining quiet about the abuse becomes more frightening than the danger involved in speaking out and asking for help
    Anger – after they begin to get help, the child becomes more aware of the negative impact the abuse has had on his or her life and often must deal with uncomfortable feelings of intense anger
    Depression – child abuse survivors begin to recall the unfair and intense criticisms, negative messages, and painful childhood physical abuse that lead to sadness and depression
    Clarity – the survivor begins to see his or her emotions and feelings associated with the abuse more clearly and honestly and to share them in safe ways that do not harm themselves or others
    Regrouping – positive changes in the person’s attitudes and feelings toward the past abuse. He or she has developed a new sense of trust in others, trust in themselves, and begins to form new, healthy relationships.
    Moving on – this final stage is the most important for healing from child physical abuse and involves a shift in focus from the devastation and negative effects of their experiences toward empowerment

    It’s important to recognize that healing from child physical abuse involves a commitment from people in every facet of the child’s life. Teachers, therapists, caretakers, and extended family members can all provide vital help and skills to the victim.
    http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/child-physical-abuse/healing-from-child-physical-abuse/

    Emotional Abuse Effects

    Emotional abuse effects are directly connected to the relationship between the victim and abuser. The closer the relationship, the more devastating the effects on the child or youth. As the intensity, frequency and duration of abuse increases, so does the effect on the psyche of that child or youth.
    The negative messages of emotional child abuse causes inner damage that either destroys or impairs the development of a positive sense of self.

    Emotional child abuse is by definition “constant negative messages”, but even a single message of rejection can have long-lasting negative effects on the child or youth.
    The effects of severe emotional abuse, however, may be more physiological than previously thought:

    FACT: Studies on abandoned and severely maltreated Romanian children revealed striking lesions in certain areas of the brain. The repeated traumatization led to an increased release of stress hormones, which attacked the sensitive tissue of the brain and destroyed newly-formed neurons. The areas of their brains responsible for the “management” of their emotions were 20% to 30% smaller than in other children of the same age. It would be logical to conclude that this damage can result in any child (not only Romanian) who suffers such abandonment and maltreatment (Dr. Alice Miller, Childhood Trauma, presented as a lecture to the YWHA, New York City, 19981).

    http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/emotional-abuse-effects.html

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  9. January 2, 2013 1:04 am

    I am now reading about the effect abuse has on a child and find that psychological abuse which Joseph Jackson subjected Michael and other children to in addition to horrendous physical and verbal abuse, may be even more damaging than any other form of abuse including the sexual one!

    This is what psychologists say and they are surprised by their conclusions themselves:

    Surprisingly, psychological or emotional abuse of a child can have more long-lasting negative psychiatric effects than either physical abuse or sexual abuse.

    Psychological abuse of a child is a pattern of intentional verbal or behavioral actions or lack of actions that convey to a child the message that he or she is worthless, flawed, unloved, unwanted, endangered, or only of value to meet someone else’s needs. Withholding emotional support, isolation, or terrorizing a child are forms of psychological abuse. Domestic violence that is witnessed by a child is also considered a form of psychological abuse.

    Psychological abuse of a child is often divided into nine categories:

    1. Rejection: to reject a child, to push him away, to make him feel that he is useless or worthless, to undermine the value of his ideas or feelings, to refuse to help him.
    2. Scorn: to demean the child, to ridicule him, to humiliate him, to cause him to be ashamed, to criticize the child, to insult him.
    3. Terrorism: to threaten a child or someone who is dear to him with physical violence, abandonment or death, to threaten to destroy the child’s possessions, to place him in chaotic or dangerous situations, to define strict and unreasonable expectations and to threaten him with punishment if he does not comply.
    4. Isolation: to physically or socially isolate a child, to limit his opportunities to socialize with others.
    5. Corruption or exploitation: to tolerate or encourage inappropriate or deviant behavior, to expose the child to antisocial role-models, to consider the child as a servant, to encourage him or coerce him to participate in sexual activities.
    6. The absence of emotional response: to show oneself as inattentive or indifferent towards the child, to ignore his emotional needs, to avoid visual contact, kisses or verbal communication with him, to never congratulate him.
    Neglect: to ignore the health or educational needs of the child, to refuse or to neglect to apply the required treatment. (See: What is Child Neglect?)
    7. Exposure to domestic violence: to expose a child to violent words and acts between his parents.
    The behavior of an emotionally abusive parent or caregiver does not support a child’s healthy development and well-being-instead, it creates an environment of fear, hostility, or anxiety. A child is sensitive to the feeling, opinions, and actions of his or her parents. Emotionally harmful attitudes may include the following:
    8. Showing a lack of regard for the child
    This behavior often includes rejecting the child by:
    • Not showing affection.
    • Ignoring the child’s presence and obvious needs.
    • Ignoring the child when he or she is in need of comfort.
    • Not calling the child by his or her name.
    9. Saying unkind things to the child
    Emotionally abusive parents say things or convey feelings that can hurt a child deeply. Common examples include:
    • Making the child feel unwanted, perhaps by stating or implying that life would be easier without the child. For example, a parent may tell a child, “I wish you were never born.”
    • Ridiculing or belittling the child, such as saying, “You are stupid.”
    • Threatening the child with harsh punishment or even death.
    • Continuous verbal abuse.

    Symptoms of Child Psychological Abuse may include:

    • Difficulties in school
    • Eating disorders, resulting in weight loss or poor weight gain
    • Emotional issues such as low self esteem, depression, and anxiety
    • Rebellious behavior
    • Sleep disorders
    • Vague physical complaints

    http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/child-psychological-abuse/what-is-psychological-abuse-of-a-child/

    This was psychological abuse only. You haven’t yet read what heavy physical abuse does to children!

    By the way:

    Anyone who suspects child abuse should report the matter to Child Protective Services or the police. The goal of child protective agencies is to reunite families after the abuser has received help. The law requires health care workers, school employees, and child care professionals to report suspected child abuse.
    Treatment for abusers may involve parenting classes and treatment for mental illness, alcohol, or drug abuse.
    http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/child-psychological-abuse/treatment-for-psychological-abuse-of-child/

    Why didn’t anyone report Joseph Jackson to the police?

    Like

  10. Rodrigo permalink
    December 30, 2012 12:23 am

    Hope it all goes well, Helena. Fingers crossed.

    Like

  11. December 29, 2012 6:23 pm

    On January 13 there will be a rally in Moscow against the recent law forbidding Americans to adopt Russian children. I am also going.

    ‘Mom’ Loses Russian Girl Weeks From Adoption

    By KIRIT RADIA | ABC News – 23 hours ago

    After a roller coaster week, Kendra Skaggs sat down to vent on her blog. She had used that space to document her 13 month journey of adopting a young girl named Polina from Russia. But now, with that dream just weeks away from fulfillment, she described her frustration, fear and anger as she watched it being snatched away.

    “I have no control. I’m on the other side of the world and I can’t hold and comfort my daughter as I wait to hear if we will forever be separated,” she wrote in a passionate entry

    Her writing seemed to speak for hundreds of American parents whose hopes of adopting a Russian orphan were dashed today when Russian President Vladimir Putin signed into law a controversial ban on adoptions to the United States. The move is part of Russia’s retaliation for a set of human rights sanctions passed by the U.S. Congress and signed by President Obama earlier this month. Critics, including the U.S. State Department, say the adoption ban is playing politics with the lives of children.

    Russia is the third most popular country for Americans to adopt from, but in recent years the issue has become a political football in Russia. Americans have adopted over 60,000 Russian children since the fall of the Soviet Union, but Russian officials have seized on the cases of 19 children who died after being adopted by Americans.

    In 2010, a 7-year-old adopted boy named Artyom was put on a plane back to Russia alone by his adoptive mother from Tennessee with little more than a note saying she did not want him anymore. The case touched off a wave of fury in Russia and adoptions to the United States were nearly halted.

    Just a week ago Kendra and her husband visited Polina at her orphanage outside Moscow. The bubbly 5-year-old suffers from spina bifida, a condition that has left her numb from the waist down and unable to walk. They showed Polina photos of her new bedroom and told her about her new family. They played together, hugged each other, and promised to see each other soon when they returned in January to bring her home to Arkansas.

    The adoption ban legislation, meanwhile, had just been introduced by Russian lawmakers. Kendra had hoped their case, which was nearly completed, would sneak in under the wire. She held out hope again after a Moscow court approved her adoption on Monday. All that was needed was a 30 day waiting period before they could bring Polina home.

    It appears even that was too late. The law goes into effect on Jan. 1, but Russian officials have said even cases of 52 children who are within weeks of traveling to the United States are now frozen. Authorities have pledged to find new homes for them in Russia.

    For the Skaggs family, it is agonizing to be so close to bringing her home, yet so far. Kendra fears Polina will think she was abandoned again.

    “It’s the fear of what she is going to think, that we forgot her,” she said in an interview with ABC News.
    “She’s out there and I can’t take care of her,” she said, crying softly. “I can’t help her. I can’t tell her I love her. So it’s really hard.”

    She also worries what will happen to Polina in Russia, a country with scarce accommodations for the handicapped.

    “Russia really isn’t set up for people with disabilities. You can’t get into the metro even to get around because it’s just levels and levels of stairs that you have to go up and down and there’s no handicapped access to the buildings,” Kendra said.

    Hundreds of thousands of children languish in what are often described as Russia’s under-resourced orphanages. Many of them, like Polina, have special needs, which is one of the reasons they may have been given up at birth. Often those children face an uncertain future once they leave the orphanage system when they turn 18.

    Kendra described Polina as a fiercely independent, intelligent, and determined young girl.

    “She’s very loving, very kind. She loves to sing and dance to music and listen to the music,” she said.

    In a home video that Kendra and her husband took with their cell phones, a beaming Polina proudly counts to 10 in English. In another she waves hello to her new grandparents. An overjoyed look envelops her face as she realizes that she will soon have grandparents. In another she tells Kendra she loves her.

    With no way of contacting Polina, Kendra said she wishes she could send her a simple message.

    “I would tell her we love her and to be strong and that were going to do everything we can to come back and get her. Everything that’s in our power. We want to bring her home with us and have her to be our daughter,” she said.

    “I’d give anything to go see her and just wrap her in my arms and tell her I love her and to bring her home,” she said.

    At the end of their last visit, Kendra, mindful of the pending legislation, broke down in tears as she said goodbye. This time it was Polina who comforted her.

    “Don’t cry mommy, be strong,'” she said.

    http://gma.yahoo.com/mom-loses-russian-girl-weeks-adoption-150709061–abc-news-topstories.html

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  12. December 24, 2012 1:50 am

    “That is so interesting about the comparison of Michael with children in orphanages ….and he really seemed to be drawn to orphanages , always trying to visit and show these children attn and love. No wonder he would say he could feel their pain. He must have felt a kindred spirit…. “

    Nannoris, you and aldebaran noticed that Michael was drawn to orphanages. A remarkable observation! Michael knew where the most pain was and indeed often visited orphanages. From what I’ve already read I know that these children recognize each other even without asking – they say that it is their eyes. Michael surely identified himself with these kids most – kindred spirits!

    “Didnt he say he would like to adopt a child from every continent also?”

    Yes, Michael wanted to adopt. And he also said that he didn’t make much difference between his children and all other children – he said that all of them were ours. It is only now, when looking at these orphans, that I am only beginning to see how he felt.

    The fact that he was so famous also contributed a lot and helped to leave a lasting impression on these children – just imagine how their self-esteem and confidence were boosted by Michael’s attention to them – Michael Jackson himself came to see them! Michael knew of the effect and made a good use of it.

    Some quotes from Michael Jackson speaking to Rabbi Shmuley:

    MJ: When I see children I see helpless little puppies. They are so sweet. How can anyone hurt them? All children are our children. I see beauty in all children and I love them all – equally. I used to have arguments about it with people who didn’t agree with me. They say you should love your own more.

    MJ: I love them so much. They’re my children, too. I remember we were In Australia and we were in this children-with-cancer ward and I started giving out toys. And I’ll never forget this one boy who was like eleven and when I got to his bed he said. “It’s amazing how just seeing you I feel so much better. I really do I said “Well, that’s so sweet.” That’s what he said and I have never forgotten it. It’s amazing and that’s what we are supposed to do.

    MJ: I spoke to Gavin [Michael’s accuser] last night and he said, “Michael, you don’t know how It hurts me. It hurts.” He started to cry on the phone and he said, I know you understand how It feels. It hurts so bad.” I said, “Well, how many more do you have?” He said, “Maybe four. But the doctor said maybe more after that.” It took his eyelashes away and his eyebrows and his hair. We are so lucky aren’t we?

    SB: Do you feel that when you speak to people like Gavin, part of the pain goes away for them?

    MJ: Absolutely. Because every time I talk to him he is in better spirits. When I spoke to him last night he said, “I need you. When are you coming home?” I said. “I don’t know.” He said, “I need you Michael.” Then he calls me “Dad.”

    I said, “You better ask your Dad if it’s OK to call me that.” He shouts, “Dad, Is. It ok if I call Michael. “Dad?'” and he says. “Yes, no problem, whatever you want.” Kids always do that. It makes me feel happy that they feel that comfortable.

    SB: Do you feel like a universal father to children, that you have this ability to love ‘them and appreciate them in a way that others don’t?

    MJ: I always feel that I don’t want the parents to get jealous because it always happens and it rubs fathers in a strange way. Not as much as the mothers. I always say to the Dads, “I am not trying to take your place. I am just trying to help and I want to be your friend.” The kids just end up falling in love with my personality.

    …I think, children worship fun, love, they worship attention. They want a fun-filled day. Things that, when you experience it with them you have a special place in their heart forever. It changes who they become and what our world becomes, the totality of what happens in this universe becomes. It is the future.

    I’m not easy to live with in that way for a wife. I’m not easy and I know I’m not easy. Because I give all my time to someone else. I give it to children, I give it to somebody sick somewhere, to the music…

    “I had always thought his family was just such a mess , he longed to meet normal people who could love him just for himself.”

    I think that it was only Joe Jackson who was a mess. Marrying the right person is such a big problem! I tried twice and cannot say that made wise choices either. So how can I blame Katherine for the wrong choice?

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  13. nannorris permalink
    December 23, 2012 11:43 am

    That is so interesting about the comparison of Michael with children in orphanages ….and he really seemed to be drawn to orphanages , always trying to visit and show these children attn and love
    No wonder he would say he could feel their pain.
    Didnt he say he would like to adopt a child from every continent also?
    He must have felt a kindred spirit….
    I had always thought his family was just such a mess , he longed to meet normal people who could love him just for himself.
    I dont think he really got that until he had his own children ..
    My heavens , this man was so misunderstood on so many levels.

    Like

  14. December 23, 2012 1:24 am

    “I like your explanation, Helena, of the similarities between those kids and Michael’s childhood, lacking a real family life, privacy and a warm, holding hand. It makes us understand much better what he was missing, why it was so hard for him to be alone and why he always tried to find families to “adopt” him.”

    Susanne, there is so much to say here! I myself was amazed to see the similarities between Michael’s problems and those of our social orphans. Social orphans is a term used by us for children taken away from their parents due to neglect or abuse and growing up without their parents as their rights to raising children were withdrawn or they are gravely ill, in prison, etc.

    Well, technically Michael and his brothers weren’t taken away from their father Joe, but since Joe as a parent was virtually non-existent and Michael’s mother saw the boys only on occasions they surely did suffer a lot from parental deprivation.

    How can anyone think that Michael had a father when this person used to say that the moment the boys stopped bringing in money he would drop them as a hot potato? Do fathers behave like that? He does not deserve to be called a father at all! He actually never even wanted to be called one as he insisted on Joe instead. No, Joe Jackson is pure filth – inhuman, monstrous, cynical and disgusting. Michael must have been an angel to try and love this beast.

    The older boys escaped the worst part of his “upbringing” as they started working and travelling with the Jackson 5 when they were old enough to more or less cope with the dangers of associating with Joe. It was Michael and Randy who suffered most as they were the youngest, and see what came of it! Joe’s upbringing had the biggest toll on these two younger boys and the stress they went through is quite comparable to the stress of our social orphans who are also deprived of their parents’ supportive hand, and find themselves alone in the coldness of adult world.

    The age when the Jackson boys were subjected to all of it is crucial here, and this is why the older brothers turned out to be much better adapted to life and insane pressures they had to live with. It was only the youngest boys who were the most vulnerable – Michael and Randy, each of whom had his own way to adjust to the situation. The girls were much better off as they stayed with their mother and could still enjoy her love and warmth.

    Those who don’t understand Michael call him ‘weird’. I wonder what they would be like if they had lived his kind of life? They think that Michael was pretending when he was saying that he was lonely and at the same time seeking isolation from the rest of the world? But the social orphans I’ve described are also deprived of their privacy in the same way Michael was and long for a tiny private corner where they can hide away from everyone and have some precious spare moments to themselves. Are these children lonely? They sure are! But how can they be lonely if they are never left alone? Well, in fact loneliness in a crowd is the worst kind of loneliness, and this is what Michael was actually suffering from.

    Can gifts, money or even entertainment substitute for love these people are deprived of during their whole childhood? No, nothing can replace love. The former graduates of orphanages who work as volunteers there now say that orphans are often showered with gifts, especially during holidays like the New Year and can attend some 15 various festivities within a ten days holiday. But how many CD players does a child need? One boy got three iphones as gifts from some benefactors, but the joy quickly faded away and he exchanged them for cigarettes instead.

    The graduates of orphanages say that these material things are not that important to orphans – they have no concept of money and don’t know their value anyway. What these children really need is people coming to them not just once, but regularly and visiting them personally as a parent would. To the surprise of benefactors who bring loads of those gifts the former graduates say – if you don’t want to come on a regular basis don’t come at all, as you only make things worse for the children. They are waiting, and waiting, and waiting, but you never come back…

    The morale of the story is that more than anything else in life a child needs love, love for himself as a unique being – from his parents or at least someone whom he sees as a parent substitute. Gifts, money, entertainment and the rest of it cannot replace love and real care. Michael was tremendously damaged by this lack of love and promised to himself that his children or any other child he came into contact with would never face it. Therefore he tried to shower each individual child with his individual love and care because from his own experience he knew that this is what a child needs most.

    But as regards relations between a man and woman he didn’t see any example of love within his family and could not even imagine how a man and woman adjust to each other to make their relationship work. The closest examples of it was probably what he saw in the movies only.

    How could he form an ideal family of his own if he knew so little of what a happy family is like? I think he couldn’t even visualize it and was therefore unable to make his own marriages work. No wonder Lisa Marie Presley could not understand for so many years whether he loved her or not, and finally realized that he did and very much so, only in a very special way of his own.

    Like

  15. Susannerb permalink*
    December 22, 2012 2:41 pm

    This is a very suitable message for Christmas time. It’s always sad to see so many children without their own parents, lost in a system that cannot really compensate a warm family life. With this new law in Russia not allowing Americans to adopt Russian children other countries should absorb this and help out with adoptions. I hope it doesn’t lead to more evil activities to use this situation of kids waiting for adoption.

    I like your explanation, Helena, of the similarities between those kids and Michael’s childhood, lacking a real family life, privacy and a warm, holding hand. It makes us understand much better what he was missing, why it was so hard for him to be alone and why he always tried to find families to “adopt” him.

    Like

  16. Rodrigo permalink
    December 20, 2012 9:34 am

    Even to think about it.
    It’s only took us the deaths of those people to finally realize where Michael was coming from. What a world.

    Like

  17. Rodrigo permalink
    December 20, 2012 9:26 am

    So true, nannorris.

    Michael was right all along…shame on us all for not listening to him sooner.

    Only know do we truly know his heart…because ours has been broken, like his was.

    Like

  18. nannorris permalink
    December 20, 2012 9:13 am

    The more I see happening in the world , the more I realize MJ was ahead of his time..He saw all this ,tragedy on the horizon, when others were blind to it.., the need for children to be loved and respected…HONORED.They are the future of the planet and yet they are treated like they are unimportant by so many… He got noting but grief for trying to bring it to the worlds attn.
    I cant watch the news these days , it is so depressing .The tragedy in Conn..is just too much , The media is trying to be respectful, but it is still a business.I dont like to see children interviewed about what they saw..
    This evening I saw an ad for Disneyworld with a father and son and the slogan was something about returning to your innocence.
    Why was it something odd and suspicious when MJ said it?
    Now they are saying that all these children of the world are all our responsibility, they are all our children.
    Isnt that what Michael said also..
    Since he has been gone and I have learned so much more about him, it stings me to hear the laughter and criticism of him , and then have people now preaching what he saw all along.
    He was more of a warrior for children, then anyone.
    I cant imagine how much it hurt him to have himself portrayed in such a manner as he was , when he really felt he was on a mission to heal this world..

    Like

  19. Rodrigo permalink
    December 20, 2012 9:06 am

    God help me for feeling like this, but I do feel sorry for Adam Lanza. More for the poor people, children he murdered.

    I haven’t got it in my nature to hate, and I’ve had things done to me in my life of 22 years. I’ve been laughed at, pushed and hurt by people, but I don’t hold grudges. If anything, it’s probably made me more determined as an individual, to put right the wrongs. It’s only made me stronger. Life isn’t like that for me now however, but I knew what it felt like to be an outsider.

    But the strangest thing, why was I an outsider to many? Because I refused to smoke, drink, swear, and do anything bad or upset anyone. And my friends all looked up to me for that, and they protected me from others who thought I was weird. Weird, just because I was considered a good kid, who kept his head down.

    And how did I get through the other end? Because I knew that I was loved, and by becoming a pretty damn good comedian for those who laughed at me🙂

    I stand up for what I believe in, and I refuse to break for anyone.

    I can’t hate Adam Lanza, but I hate what he’s done, obviously. I hate the pain he’s caused. I hate the pain he must of felt when he snapped.

    If he hadn’t of taken a gun, it could have just as easily been a knife. The fact he decided to do this, shouldn’t have existed in the first place. He felt unloved by his mother and felt his life was going to end anyway.

    Parents and all adults everywhere should be MADE to be aware of the pain that THEIR own children feel and ALL children feel, all the ones that suffer. Could be through abuse, poverty, or lack of love. Adults need to set things right for the future of children everywhere, before this ever has the chance to happen again.

    Michael had the right idea, because he’s been through suffering as a child himself, and I tend to follow his lessons more closely from now on.

    To tell whoever’s standing next to you that you love them. And I’m man and human enough to do that.

    Like

  20. December 20, 2012 7:35 am

    That’s one way of looking at the situation VMJ, but there is limiting information about the perpetrator (outside of being autistic) that I’m not sure if he didn’t have help. Still, I have no sympathy for that man; he went to drastic and demonic extremes to pull off what he sadly completed with the shootings. Why couldn’t he take the same initiative towards getting help? There are so many people who are just like him, probably worse – who would probably take their own life before taking someone else’s. I agree he should have been taken from the home, his mother clearly didnt have it all either. However, the issues to me in this case are Satan and guns.

    Like

  21. December 20, 2012 4:32 am

    “I know of many amazing American and Canadian adoptive parents who love and care for the adopted children better than biological parents. There are thousands and thousands of happy children for maybe one case of abuse.”

    Today I’ve spent half a day looking up information on adoption of children and found very many good and happy stories. This is what we always thought and expected which is why our people were always happy when children were adopted abroad.

    Here are some of these stories. These three girls were exceptionally lucky – their parents are wonderful!
    http://www.dontforgetthechildren.com/?p=166

    And these pictures show that even children with dysfunctions gradually become more adjusted and happy when adopted: http://englishrussia.com/2007/12/19/adopted-russian-kids/

    “Maybe Russia could have asked for better prior adoption screening and follow up instead of stopping adoption all together.”

    Please do not confuse Russian people with our authorities and don’t call all of us just “Russia”. I shudder when someone on the top takes decisions for us and this is regarded as “Russia’s” decisions. Nothing can be further from the truth – we are two different worlds living lives of our own, the authorities live theirs, while the people live theirs with a huge gap in between. The people have no opportunity to influence the decisions taken by President or by our “parliament” (which no one elected as the elections were sham). This was what actually all recent rallies were all about.

    The ban on the adoption had a pre-history. First the US looked into the death of a man who died while kept in detention. A decision was taken not to allow the officials connected with his wrongful death to enter the US (rightfully so, in my opinion). Then our authorities took a “revenge” on the US by forbidding the adoption of Russian kids. One clearly has nothing to do with the other. They just used it as a pretext not to allow kids to leave the country which may be just a way of stop their “emigration” so to say. However I do not rule out that some of parliamentaries may be genuinely concerned. The problem is that there were 19 horrendous deaths of our children in the US, as well as cases of their sexual abuse or neglect (like an adoptive parent returning one boy by plane saying she no longer wanted him). If there had been no such statistics there would have been no pretext either, and without the pretext they wouldn’t have taken such a decision.

    But they had this pretext. In fact the number of deaths among adopted children amounts to the number of child victims in a recent shooting by Lanza. So by their cruelty to children some adoptive parents put a stop to a good process which normal people from both sides only welcomed. Their neglect and callousness were used in big politics, enabling hate to win over love in the long run.

    Like

  22. Alice aka SoulQueen permalink
    December 20, 2012 4:15 am

    I gotta say not only does this blog help vindicate Michael but it truly helps bring attention to kids with real problems.

    People have really taken for granted a lot of things when it comes to Michael Jackson while they were out slandering him and destroying him they were ignoring real kids who were either being neglected, sexually abused and what have you.

    This goes to show how even the haters like to waste their time writing hateful messages on special dedicated websites like this one (I’ve seen some here) and of course else where such as youtube. but let me tell you these haters they don’t care about children with real problems they are only interested in themselves that’s why they create these stupid websites with false twisted information about MJ its sickening because many of these children mentioned in this latest blog here are way more poor and unprivileged compared to those who FALSELY accused him and yet this rubbish about Michael gets more attention. this goes to show that the media is only about celebrity gossip. And yet nothing else matters to them.

    Like

  23. December 20, 2012 2:42 am

    “I wish that Lanza would have gone to prison and suffered to his last breath.”

    Tatum, it may sound strange to you, but I regard this tragedy as a double one – that of the 26 innocent deaths and that Lanza guy who could have received help, but for some reason did not. If he had been helped, the tragedy would have been averted. Why doesn’t anyone talk about it? Where are all the psychologists and psychiatrists who so profusely commented on Michael Jackson but keep mum when it comes to Lanza?

    Lanza does not produce the impression of a cold killer – no, he was just a timid boy with a disorder which does not make people halmful at all. How could this happen to him? The latest news from his hair stylist says that he was so obedient that he even stood up from a chair only when his mother told him to.

    And what was the matter with his mother who kept 5 guns in the house, liked shooting and even took her son to the shooting range to teach it to him? And where were the Department for Children and Family services officials? Why doesn’t anyone talk about this side of the story?

    Why did these 26 innocent people have to part with their lives if this crime could have been prevented at all? Where are the people whose direct obligation was to avert it and look into a troubled family? This is what the whole problem boils down to, but no one seems to be talking about it.

    Like

  24. J Mason, New York, NY permalink
    December 19, 2012 10:12 pm

    Had Michael Jackson lived to pursue in earnest his Save the Children and Heal the World initiatives, he would have been set on a collision course with business, military and crime interests worldwide who profit handsomely from children as objects of slave labor, human trafficking and cannon fodder. And, he would have asked us, the Army of Love, to stand with him — as the young man stood in front of the moving tank in China. The tank moved to avert him, but he moved with it — refusing to be ignored.

    Like

  25. LunaJo permalink
    December 19, 2012 7:37 pm

    I feel you and your pain. I feel the same way and I noticed I had a hard time with all of this. After researching so much about Michael, learning about his pain and the injustice done to him and the way he really wnated to change things for children all around the world…. and then thinking he was the one they targetted, making it impossible for him to continue making the world a better place. It’s not fair and actually it is insane! I think you feel powerless too.
    What can we do? Teaching you own children respect, what is the right thing to do, how do we interact with eachother, And live our lives in the spirit of Michael, thinking of him how he always tried to tell us and show us. That’s a start anyway…. Take care.

    Like

  26. December 19, 2012 6:57 pm

    Your article is well written and has many valid points but I feel it paints very gruesome picture of the Western world with recent events lumped together. I am not American. I was born in Russia and live in Canada. I know of many amazing American and Canadian adoptive parents who love and care for the adopted children better than biological parents. There are thousands and thousands of happy children for maybe one case of abuse. The process of adoption can is very long difficult and expensive. Maybe Russia could have asked for better prior adoption screening and follow up instead of stopping adoption all together. I know only ill children could have been adopted from Russia before. There is always going to be some abuse and sick people but better screening could reduce it. I have visited Russian orphanages many years ago as a child… Very sad picture. I feel that stopping adoption is Russia’s and those poor children’s huge loss…
    What happened in Newton is horrible and unbearable. People still cannot comprehend it. But that is not what defines that community. There is so much love and support showing there, all across US and other countries. There is still humanity left in this world. Americans need better gun control laws and address mental issues. With strict privacy laws it is going to be very difficult. Those laws protect not just innocent people but criminals and criminals to be. I do not think America will ban guns completely. Without breaking privacy laws it is going to be near impossible to ask for medical records of the person and their family members before purchasing a gun.
    As for Finland case, I googled and read the articles. It seems like there is some info missing about it, one side of the story again. Why did authorities take the children back again after releasing them to the mother? Were those parents spanking those children? I do not agree with what child services in Finland have done. It looks like a very extreme case if it was just spanking. The state has the right to remove children and protect them from even their parents. This saves many children from abuse but can be used wrongfully in some cases.

    Like

  27. December 19, 2012 5:12 pm

    The great tragedy, almost unbelievable. There must still be some Kinsey-victims alive,maybe they are too distubed to be able to arrange some protest and ask for compensation al least.

    Like

  28. December 19, 2012 5:08 pm

    Western of corse.iot eastern from our pont of view.Mutual agreements are the key, and also to be MUTUALLY honored.

    Like

  29. December 19, 2012 4:55 pm

    Finland has even paid social benefits to the population in Eastern Russia, Rursian Karelia, on a totally voluntary basis.

    Like

  30. Nicoletta permalink
    December 19, 2012 3:24 pm

    Yes, we can try to form another part of the world, the one that has always allowed man to go on in spite of all the monstrosities.
    We can try to raise our children with less money and less “things” but with love, devotion, serenity and confidence.
    We can try to enable them to confidently express their inner selves: in sorrow, in joy, in artistic expression, we can try to be always on their side even if the children do not look like us at all, even if they are the opposite of what we want.
    We can try to look a little like Michael and feel our those “strange” words which he spake often and that sounded wacky in the ears of right-thinking: we are close to the children, close to them, sleep with them, say to them that we love them a lot times a day, looking straight into their eyes, these are the “important” things in life.

    Like

  31. December 19, 2012 12:47 pm

    What happended was a tragedy. God didn’t force Adam Lanza to pick up those guns and go out on a killing spree. Those children died by his hand, not God’s

    I completely agree with those words which is why it bothered me when someone said “God called these kids home”. I have no personal fury against Obama and am very fond of him, however that was a very spiritually confusing statement to make. I wish that Lanza would have gone to prison and suffered to his last breath.

    Like

  32. Rodrigo permalink
    December 19, 2012 7:19 am

    Gone Too Soon springs to my mind for an answer to that question, Tatum.

    No child should die. I’m a fairly religous person. I’m a believer in God. I believe Him to be the representation of quest of peace and all that is good.

    What happended was a tragedy. God didn’t force Adam Lanza to pick up those guns and go out on a killing spree. Those children died by his hand, not God’s.

    Call me crazy But I think God has to pick up the pieces through Man’s misguided hand.

    Like

  33. December 19, 2012 6:49 am

    The tragedy with the children being murdered in Connecticut is despicable beyond words. Michael (tearing) spoke about the suffering of children and how there is a huge outcry. Between listening to him and reading your article, those words are hurting my heart.
    I’ve wondered a lot of things over the past week. This is how Michael felt all along and they painted him to be what he despised the most? Who takes the blame for this tragedy in Connecticut? Many have said that God has called these kids home, but is that really the case? Does anybody really believe that?

    Like

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