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The Reason for Michael Jackson’s Escapism

November 29, 2020

Some time ago a reader’s comment arrived here about Elton John’s biography of 2019 and his spiteful description of a lunch with Michael Jackson, which was certainly hailed in the press as another instance of Michael Jackson’s so-called ‘bizarre’ behavior.

First, let me repeat the comment and my answer to it here.

Elton John recalls Michael Jackson

luv4hutch: By the way, here is the specific comments of Elton John about Michael in his memoir entitled “Me”, which doesn’t say Michael was guilty, it just refers to him as “disturbing to be around.” It focuses on a lunch that Elton had when he was first dating his husband, David Furnish, and of course how Elton makes a judgment without knowing all the facts, though Michael would always think of Elton as a friend, especially in his dedications in the HIStory and Blood on the Dance Floor albums, and Elton earlier in the book acknowledges Michael’s role and friendship with Ryan White, who Elton of course also says was a big reason for him to get sober and to start his AIDS Foundation:

“The problem at the lunch party wasn’t really my mum. It was one of my other guests, a psychiatrist, who at the last minute, informed me that his client, Michael Jackson, was in England, and asked if he could bring him along. This didn’t sound like the greatest idea I’d ever heard, but I could hardly refuse. I’d known Michael since he was thirteen or fourteen: after a gig I played in Philadelphia, Elizabeth Taylor had turned up on the Starship with him in tow. He was just the most adorable kid you could imagine. But in the intervening years, he started sequestering himself away from the world and away from reality, the way Elvis Presley did. God knows what was going on in his head, and God knows what prescription drugs he was being pumped full of, but every time I saw him in his later years, I came away thinking the poor guy had totally lost his marbles. I don’t mean that in a lighthearted way. He was genuinely mentally ill, a disturbing person to be around. It was incredibly sad, but he was someone you couldn’t help: he was just gone, off into a world of his own, surrounded by only by people who told him what he wanted to hear.

And now he was coming to the lunch at which my boyfriend was scheduled to meet my mother for the first time. Fantastic. I decided the best plan was to ring David and drop this information into the conversation as nonchalantly as possible. Perhaps if I behaved as if there was no problem there, he might take it in stride. Or perhaps not-I hadn’t even finished nonchalantly mentioning the change in lunch plans before I was interrupted by an anguished yell of ‘are you fucking KIDDING ME?’ I tried to reassure him by lying through my teeth, promising that the reports that he’d heard of Michael’s eccentricities were greatly exaggerated. This probably wasn’t very convincing, since some of the reports of them had come directly from me. But no, I insisted it wouldn’t be as strange as he might expect.

In that respect at least, I was absolutely right. The meal wasn’t as strange as I might have expected. It was stranger than I could have imagined. It was a sunny day and we had to sit indoors with the curtains drawn because of Michael’s vitiligo. The poor guy looked awful, really frail and ill. He was wearing makeup that looked like it had been applied by a maniac, it was all over the place. His nose was covered with a sticking plaster which kept what was left of it attached to his face. He just sat there, not really saying anything, just giving off waves of discomfort the way some people give off an air of confidence. I somehow got the impression he hadn’t eaten a meal around other people in a very long time. Certainly, he wouldn’t eat anything we served up. He had his own chef with him, but didn’t eat anything he made, either. After a while, he got up from the table without a word and disappeared. We finally found him, two hours later, in a cottage on the grounds of Woodside where my housekeeper lived: she was sitting there, watching Michael Jackson quietly play video games with her eleven-year-old son. For whatever reason, he couldn’t seem to cope with adult company at all…”

As if the above piece were not enough for me I read a couple of more pages of Elton John’s bio and came to the conclusion that in this Orwellian world of ours it was Michael Jackson who was the most normal man who, alas, had to live among totally abnormal people around him.

In a classic case of a pot calling the kettle black Elton John pronounced Michael Jackson “disturbing to be around”, “mentally ill” and sometimes “pumped full of prescription drugs” though his own personality is much better suited for these descriptions.

Prescription drugs Michael did take as he had to cope with the never-ending pain after the scalp-stretching operations to cover the burned skin on his head, so he was in a constant medical condition requiring painkillers that later turned into an addiction (which he eventually overcame).

But Elton John didn’t have any medical reasons to justify the use of drugs, however he himself says that he was a horrible cocaine addict for almost two decades. By his own admission after so many years of drug abuse his soul became so black that it was “like a charred piece of steak”.

When asked about regrets, John said it was trying cocaine in 1974. Despite vomiting the first time, John went back for more — and soon, he was hooked.

“It nearly destroyed my soul,” he said. “My soul was black, like a charred piece of steak, until I said “I need help.”

Even after he went to a rehab sometime in early 90s he admits in “Me” biography that his life was still ridiculous and his temper remained monstrous:

“I wasn’t afraid about people seeing the monstrous, unreasonable side of me. I’m perfectly aware how ridiculous my life is, and perfectly aware of what an arsehole I look like when I lose my temper over nothing – I go from nought to nuclear in seconds and then calm down just as quickly.”

However he allows for all creative people “to have their moments” as this is a sort of the dark side of being creative:

“My temper was obviously inherited from my mum and dad, but I honestly think that, somewhere within them, every creative artist, whether they’re a painter, a theatre director, an actor or a musician, has the ability to behave in a completely unreasonable way. It’s like the dark side of being creative. Certainly, virtually every other artist I had become friends with seemed to have that aspect to their character too. John Lennon did, Marc Bolan, Dusty Springfield. They were wonderful people, and I loved them to bits, but everyone knows they all had their moments.”

So you get the idea – it is okay for all creative people to have their moments, except Michael Jackson of course, and this is why whenever Michael had his, the media and people who once pretended to be his friends gladly tore him apart like some blood-thirsty vultures .

Did Michael have the right to have his moments and leave the table in search for a better company and more normal surrounding?

Certainly he did. Elton John seems to be deliberately vague about the time of the event so you have to wonder when the visit took place and why Michael didn’t eat, didn’t talk and was so deep in his thoughts.

Well, a little calculation takes us to December 1993, the time of colossal trouble, slander and incredible injustice that Michael Jackson ever experienced in his life.  Indeed, various details point to the fact that the lunch took place when Michael was in a rehab in Britain while the Jordan Chandler scandal was raging in his homeland.

See for yourself: Elton John met David Furnish in October 1993; closer to Christmas Furnish visited his family in Canada where he came out as gay to them; and after that Elton John decided to introduce Furnish to his mother which was obviously also around Christmas, so it leaves us with December 1993 as the most suitable time for the visit.

And this was exactly when Michael Jackson was in Britain and was even known to have met Elton John there.

So Michael Jackson was in the midst of the alleged child abuse scandal and had every reason to be deeply distressed and stay quiet. He accidentally dropped at Elton John’s house obviously hoping to gain some support from a friend, but Elton John was no friend of his, alas.

Moreover, the atmosphere of that lunch must have been extremely hostile to Michael – remember David Furnish’s “anguished” yell at hearing that MJ would be present “Are you fucking KIDDING me?” (What reasons did he have for so much “anguish”? Others would have been honored to meet MJ)

Feeling unwanted and out of place there the polite Michael quietly left the company and went wherever his feet took him. And his feet took him to a small house of a housekeeper on the same premises where he could play video games with the housekeeper’s son while all those others apparently heaved the sighs of relief, enjoyed their lunch and found their guest to be missing only two hours later.

This is probably the way Michael Jackson looked at Elton John’s lunch (screenshot from MJ’s live statement from Neverland, Dec. 1993)

The media routinely uses the ‘bizarre’ word to describe Michael’s behavior, though his behavior was absolutely normal and even super-normal considering the circumstances.

In contrast to that, if you read Elton John’s further revelations, just on the same page, you will realize who was the real nuts there. See how Elton John described the way he was inducted into the Hall of Fame soon thereafter, on January 19, 1994:

“It didn’t take an unexpected visit from Michael Jackson to make the world David was entering seem completely bizarre. I could make it seem that way myself, without any help from the self-styled King of Pop. Rehab had curbed most of my worst excesses but not all of them: the Dwight Family Temper. I was still perfectly capable of throwing appalling tantrums when I felt like it. I think the first time David really saw one up close was the night in January 1994 when I was due to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in New York.
So I went along to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. As soon as I got there, I decided I’d made a mistake, turned round and left, ranting all the way about how the place was a fucking mausoleum. I dragged David back to the hotel, where I immediately felt guilty for blowing them out. So we went back. The Grateful Dead were performing with a cardboard cut-out of Jerry Garcia, because Jerry Garcia wasn’t there: he thought the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was a load of bullshit, and had refused to attend. I decided Jerry had a point, turned round and left again, with David dutifully in tow. I had got out of my suit and into the hotel dressing gown when I was once more struck by a pang of guilt. So I got back into my suit and we returned to the awards ceremony.

Elton John and David Furnish at Elton John’s 50th birthday party (1997)

Then I got angry at myself for feeling guilty and stormed out again, once more enlivening the journey back to the hotel with a lengthy oration, delivered at enormous volume, about what a waste of time the whole evening was. By now, David’s sympathetic nods and murmurs of agreement were starting to take on a slightly strained tone. …This made it easier to decide – ten minutes later – that all things considered, we had better go back to the ceremony yet again. The other guests looked quite surprised to see us, but you could hardly blame them: we’d been backwards and forwards to our table more often than the waiting staff.
I’d like to tell you it ended there, but I fear there may have been another change of heart and furious return to the hotel before I actually got onstage and accepted the award. Axl Rose gave a beautiful speech, I called Bernie up onstage and gave the award to him, then we left. We drove back to the hotel in silence, which was eventually broken by David.
‘Well,’ he said quietly, ‘that was quite a dramatic evening.’ Then he paused. ‘Elton,’ he asked plaintively, ‘is your life always like this?’”

So Michael Jackson is mocked by the media for staying silent during the lunch, while Elton John remains a cute darling despite his repeated tantrums and storming out of the official ceremony five times within an hour – and there isn’t a single media outlet to criticize him for it? Oh, the press is so wonderfully unbiased …

In fact, it is the media’s hypocrisy and horrible double standards that are so disturbing here.

The problem with their coverage is that even non-existent flaws of Michael Jackson continue to be exaggerated and presented to the public as some outrageous misdeeds, while really gross misbehavior of others in the same industry is completely overlooked or reported neutrally. You will never hear as much as the word ‘eccentricity’ about these people while Michael is degraded for everything he does – even as little as staying silent at a lunch table where he was clearly surrounded by no friends of his.

To see how gross the hypocrisy is all you need to do is imagine the opposite – Elton John silently leaving lunch and going to play video games elsewhere and MJ repeatedly storming out from an official ceremony, and then imagine the media reporting it about Jackson.

You would see the worldwide outrage and much more of it. A possible criminal prosecution? Incessant talk about his alleged “grave mental disturbance”? Or would they insist on placing him under medical surveillance and demand taking away his children from him?

In fact, all of the above would have been totally realistic.

But in addition to registering the media hypocrisy there is one more thing to say about Elton John’s ugly essay about MJ who closed his reminiscences by concluding that “he couldn’t seem to cope with adult company at all”.

This statement requires a question – what adult company couldn’t Michael cope with?


The closing idea of Elton John’s story smells of a long rotten allegation that Michael Jackson didn’t like the company of adults because he preferred children instead – which the media will naturally present as ‘boys’ only, though this was absolutely not the case.

The fact that Michael Jackson was somewhat uncomfortable in the company of adults is true, only the emphasis here should be not on the children, but on the kind of adults he didn’t want to mix with and why.

Indeed, it is even surprising that no one ever wondered what adult people Michael didn’t like and why he tried to avoid them.

Did he ever avoid the company of Frank Cascio and his family? Absolutely not. Actually it was Frank’s father who Michael Jackson first made friends with, and Michael dearly loved both Cascios parents until his last days and happily stayed in their house whenever he could.

Or was it the Schleiters in Germany? No again, which is proven by the heartfelt way the Schleiters’ father recalls Michael’s numerous visits to his home.

Or was it the company of Elizabeth Taylor whom Michael preferred to all other celebrities? Or the company of Gloria Rhoads Berlin, his real estate agent who later turned into a friend? Or the woman named Glenda whom Michael called from all around the world and whose telephone conversations lasted for so many hours that they sparked the jealousy of her husband who partially recorded them?

Or was it even the company of James Safechuck’s father, now deceased, who very much liked Michael, defended him to the prosecution and who saw nothing strange about Michael’s interaction with their family?

And why does the simple enumeration of these names suggest that Michael Jackson tried to stay away from the Hollywood crowd and preferred ordinary people instead?

Since no one ever asked those legitimate questions, no one got the answers either, though the answer is there on the surface – Michael Jackson didn’t like the people in Hollywood and entertainment industry, and this is why he sought the company of almost anyone who would be outside that business and lived the life of ordinary people.

The problem is that due to his profession Michael had the misfortune to have to mix with the Hollywood crowd, though his religion, upbringing and natural instinct asked for a different kind of people – those with a healthy life style, sound moral values and restrained ways similar to his.

In other words, he was in a huge cultural conflict with his environment. 

And this was also the reason why he felt so lonely even at the noisiest parties. The people surrounding him made him sick and even disgusted – his heart longed for the uncorrupt and pure (children being the obvious choice), for sincerity and real friendship, for true love instead of mere sex, for constraining one’s feelings instead of continuous pleasure-seeking.

And when everything that was precious to him was lacking in his immediate circle, he looked elsewhere and this is why he went into ordinary people’s homes and slept even in strangers’ huts, or turned to nature for healing his loneliness by taking long evening walks at his ranch when no one was watching.

Michael Jackson was indeed increasingly sequestering himself from the world and its reality, but why?

Because the world he lived in was disappointing.

And it couldn’t be any different. There was no way for a man raised as a devoted Jehovah Witness not to come into a strong cultural conflict with the loose morals of entertainment industry with which he had nothing in common except his profession.

The problem is that the views of the Hollywood ‘progressive’ crowd were and are exactly the opposite to Michael Jackson’s outlook on every single thing that ever mattered to him – love, family, moral values, humility as a life style, central place of God in his moral code, his constant need for self-perfection, the urge to help others and much more.

Indeed, what subjects could Michael Jackson talk about with Elton John, for example, except music and the fate of that poor boy Ryan White who died of AIDS?

Nothing at all. Their perception of love and family was the opposite and their core moral values were like worlds apart – look at their attitude towards their own mothers not to mention everything else.

Sir Elton John hated and rejected his mother and after marrying Furnish didn’t see her for the rest of her life (she even had to invite her son’s lookalike for her 90th birthday to somehow replace him) and kept trashing her even after her death.

Sir Elton John’s mother with a lookalike of her son at her 90th birthday

Needless to say that this kind of attitude towards anyone’s mother was unimaginable for Michael Jackson, the loving son, so what could they really talk about at that notable lunch where Elton John brought his partner Furnish to see the mother he actually hated?

None at all.

Or look at other stars in the entertainment industry and ask yourself in all honesty whether Michael Jackson could have anything in common with that party-going crowd who will roll their eyes at the word ‘God’ but will avidly go for drugs, sex and debauchery instead?

There is ample evidence that the Hollywood of Michael Jackson’s times was a den of hedonism, excess and perversion, but here is a fresh example.


SNCTM is pronounced as Sanctum, which means “a sacred place, especially a shrine within a temple or church”. However for Hollywood it is something different.

It is a secret sex club in LA which styled itself after the Stanley Kubrick film “Eyes Wide Shut” – complete with the masks and the participants implementing their wildest sexual fantasies in full view of others who prefer to look sipping their champagne. The idea of the club is to “explore one’s sexuality”, set free “one’s primal urges” and anyone who can afford the entrance fee may attend it to experience “singular and refined pleasures”, even in the Covid-19 times.

Things like that will no longer surprise anyone given the current Hollywood’s reputation, but what utterly amazed me is that the regular participant of the sex club was the Hollywood royalty and sweetheart Gwyneth Paltrow who attended it with her boyfriend Brad Falchuk, producer of Glee and other major TV shows.

Snctm is its name, and sex is its game. Headquartered in Beverly Hills, California, the ultra-exclusive sex club facilitates parties of the, well, sexual nature. Officially pronounced Sanctum, the club caters to the one percent’s wildest and most erotic fantasies, priding itself on guarding the identities and discretion of its members.

Finagling your way into the elite’s sex club’s secret society is no easy feat. This is Hollywood after all. The application process is rigorous. Every application requires a full-length photo, as well as a couple more recent and up-close pics. But this application wants to know more. You must state who you know in the club, what your fantasies are, what turns you on, and what you believe you could contribute to Snctm.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Oscar-winner Gwyneth Paltrow is reportedly a member. The members of the club place a hefty price tag on anonymity, and because of that, members are rumored to provide a “blood oath”, letting Lawner [the owner] know they mean business. The club is reportedly championed by Gwyneth Paltrow and her boyfriend Brad Falchuk. Other celebrities, Rock and Roll Hall of Famers, a New York hotelier, a Moscow billionaire, models from all over the globe, and wealthy couples who have been married for 20 years all frequent the club’s events.

The club owner says,

Sanctum symbol

“Our Devotees are like family, we watch over and protect each other.

I began to draw the Snctm icon one evening thinking about a secretive society. I called the symbol oculus dei, the eye of God. It began watching over me and our fledgling society from its inception.”

So the owner challenges even the Heavens and the party goers must be led to believe that they are the gods and goddesses of the Olympus.

By now almost everyone heard about the blasphemous Sanctum as there is a lot of media covering it, which they do – as could be easily expected – in a characteristically neutral, sweet and benign way.

There was even an eight-part TV series titled Naked SNCTM about this Beverly Hills sex club, so there is nothing secret about it anymore, except that its members still remain anonymous.

And this is also the mark of our times, when all those involved openly flaunt their deepest dirt in our faces, however we still don’t know who they are, so a rich neighbor of yours may turn out to be a secret sex pervert – which is actually part of the intrigue.

The girls in the club are not required to pay a fee (the orgies are free of charge for them), so any housewife can also anonymously take part as long as she provides her photo in full nudity and passes the rigorous admission test. The owner of the club claims that women who attend the parties are mostly sexually adventurous “doctors and lawyers.”

The media presents SNCTM in a way that looks much like its promotion rather than – God forbid –well-deserved criticism.

 31 Dec 2019

THE world’s most elite sex club is hosting a New Year’s Eve party tonight in the latest of its famed ultra-VIP orgies.

Private members society SNCTM – whose members are said to include A-list celebs – is charging up to $8,000 a ticket (£6,050) for the X-rated bash in a Los Angeles mansion.

Tonight Snctm is inviting an exclusive guest list made up of the super rich and Hollywood elite to enter a “world of intrigue and sensuality” at its LA Masquerade.

Saucy party-goers are promised “sightings and indulgences of an erotic nature” with a free bar and entertainment from “our fabled erotic theatre”.

But applicants must go through a rigorous vetting process in which they disclose their name, age, occupation, and erotic fantasies.

Only those judged to be sufficiently attractive and “elite” will be accepted.

The guest list is limited to 99 people, who will be emailed the secret address only hours before.

A Snctm insider said: “The festive season lends itself to the bacchanal. From pagan times to now our desire to celebrate the end and new beginnings is timeless. And nothing exceeds like excess.

“Releasing inhibitions isn’t necessarily season specific but our New Year’s Eve tends to be the most anticipated event of the year.”

Speaking to the Sun previously, event founder Damon Lawner said he came up with the idea for the club six years ago after watching the erotic 1999 film Eyes Wide Shut.

In one scene, Tom Cruise’s character finds himself at a satanic sex party held in a mysterious mansion.

“It’s like a very upscale black-tie cocktail party. But you’re seeing very surrealistic, ritualistic performance,” Lawner said. “Then after midnight it seems to evolve into this party where people want to get undressed and make love.”

The club’s etiquette guide says gentlemen are required to wear a proper tuxedo with a bow tie, while ladies must be “elegantly dressed in evening wear or lingerie”. All guests have to wear masks on entry – but can reveal their faces once inside.

Taking photos is strictly forbidden and you can also be chucked out for breaching the golden rule of “consensuality”. “We always ask before we touch,” the club says.

In contrast to all those anonymous members Gwyneth Paltrow is singularly open about her kinky habits and even offered her “Goop” lifestyle website to SNCTM for an interview with its owner.

In addition to that Gwyneth Paltrow regularly publishes her recommendations of a large variety of sex toys, complete with “a BDSM starter kit” for beginners (bondage and discipline, sadism and masochism in case  you don’t know).

All in the name of health and science of course.

Gwyneth Partrlow being “provocative” (a shot from Glee)

Gwyneth Paltrow has rarely been coy when it comes to tackling taboo sex topics, so by now it should be surprising to few when she publishes yet another risque sex guide.

In her annual Sex Issue, the 45-year-old takes on porn, BDSM, tantric sex, and even threesomes. 

As she usually does with Goop, the star has experts weigh in on all of the subjects, with interviews with doctors and even porn stars inside the pages.  

‘Whether tantra or BDSM or threesomes or vanilla are your thing will never be the point — knowing yourself, all your options, and how to ask for and pursue what feels good to you, is,’ the magazine reads, adding that the issue takes on ‘everything you’ve always wanted to know about sexuality, seduction and desire.’

No filter: Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop products include “This smells like my vagina” candle. [The Daily Mail]

This is certainly not the first time Gwyneth has gotten candid about sex, or even BDSM — she has included advice and expert tips in past issues, and also regularly lists very racy lingerie, sexy toys, and S&M tools in her gift guides.In 2016’s Sex Issue, which was online-online, Gwyneth sanctioned a sex toy shopping guide includes everything from a $535 leather whip to six different vibrators averaging over $200 each. Similar products popped up in her holiday and Valentine’s Day gift guides last year, too. Highlights of the Christmas gift guide included 12 different sex toys, $1,500 of S&M jewelry, and a $250 ‘passion-enhancing’ cannabis oil inhaler.

She has published full articles on lube, strengthening the pelvic floor, and even vaginal steaming. In last year’s Sex Issue, she addressed anal sex head-on, consulting an expert to compile a comprehensive guide to the taboo sexual act.

Amazed by all of the above and lost for words too, I resorted to people’s comments on the article in search for some help and was relieved to find that it is not me who is mad here and that my old-fashioned illiberal views are shared by many others:

  • Good old California, let them lead us into the future, let’s listen to all these Hollywood Actors, Producers, and film makers for political advice and lifestyle choices. Way to go America. Way to go Media.
  • I think it’s way past time Las Vegas surrendered it’s moniker–Sin City–to Hollywood. That city has rightly earned it. Disgusting.
  • These are the people we are supposed to admire in Hollywood??? Just beyond gross.
  • And these people lecture to us about morality….
  • If you want a taste of Hollywood, go to google MOCA 2013, and look at the photos. Then google “Spirit Cooking”.
  • Any of the other ME TOO ladies in there???

If there was a prize for the best comment I would award it to the last one as it clearly ridicules the hypocrisy of the MeToo movement– remember that it was our sweetie Gwyneth Paltrow who was shattered to pieces when Harvey Weinstein asked her for a massage when she was only 22 (she said she refused it).

Not that I am a supporter of sexual harassment– not at all – but there is a clear dissonance between what Gwyneth Paltrow says and does. And she certainly wasn’t an innocent little thing at the age of 22 as she leads us to believe.

According to Paltrow when she was 15 or 16 a make-up artist Sheryl Berkoff working with her mom, a Hollywood actress too, taught her how to give a blow job and “all the classic stuff” which Gwyneth implemented “in the first chance she got”.

The advice was given to her while the two of them were smoking behind the trailer.

“The 47-year-old actress met Sheryl Berkoff when she was a teenager and the make-up artist was working with her mom, Blythe Danner, and was “immediately obsessed” with her because she was so “cool”.
“And she knew that I was sneaking cigarettes, and she would come smoke with me behind the trailer, and she taught me how to give a blow job, and you know, all the classic Sheryl stuff. It was less about remembering the technique — although I’m sure that I implemented it the first chance I got.”
“It was so cool to have someone treat me like an adult and see me as like a young woman and someone who is sexual. She just made me feel so free.”

Paltrow gushed: “She was so awesome to me. And I was a high school kid”.

So she was still a kid when she received those valuable sex tips. It seems that Hollywood enjoys treating children like adults, and no one there minds giving them early sexual education. Then these sexualized children grow up and sometimes turn into classy ladies who then serve as role models for the young and guide them in their life choices by recommending wild sex orgies and BDSM.

And so on it goes.

Anyway, I will never watch a single movie with Gwyneth Paltrow’s participation. What’s the point of watching when you know all the dirt behind those innocent looks?

And we haven’t explored the MOCA and “spirit cooking” sessions yet which some commenters recommended us to look into – wait till we do…


In the mix of emotions generated by all this incredibly toxic stuff, there is one thing that struck me most. Knowing how hysterical the media were and are about Michael Jackson, the scarce and matter-of-fact way they report the Hollywood filth seems even unreal.

In fact, their style of reporting is no more emotional than describing some cooking recipes.

The most the media afford themselves is occasional slight irony which can be easily taken for a laughing approval of some people’s “eccentricities”, but even that is extremely rare.

Mind you that all these bacchanals are covered by tabloids only which automatically downplays the importance of their information while the mainstream media pretends not to know and ignores it as if it weren’t even newsworthy.

Where is the NY Times, I wonder? Where is the LA Times in whose vicinity all of the above is taking place? Where are the CNN and all others who reported every salacious detail of false allegations about Michael Jackson but don’t bother to paint a true picture of their best entertainment industry?

And why was there so much media frenzy about Michael for what he did and didn’t do, while they silently eye their Oscar-winning actress suggest a “BDSM starter kit” as a gift idea on Valentine’s day?

And the same media has the audacity to call Michael Jackson “disturbing to be around” just for keeping silent at someone’s lunch? They really want us to think that he was “mentally ill” just because he tried to sequester himself from this world as Elton John is telling us?

But what’s so bad about trying to sequester oneself from these people? Wouldn’t any other normal person do the same in Michael Jackson’s place?

In contrast to Michael Jackson who had to do with Hollywood’s immorality all his life, we have minimally touched upon it and scratched it only on the surface, but even that little was enough to make us – or at least me – sick and nauseated.

And this is when I asked myself a question: What would I do if, same as Michael Jackson, I needed to survive in an environment so alien to me? What could I do not to lose sanity among those whose moral values invariably clash with mine, making life beside these people almost unbearable?

The only answer I could find was that I would try to purify myself in some way – like shut myself from the outside world and toil in the garden where I can talk with the nature and my flowers, or interact with someone who will show me a cleaner, better and lighter side of life…

Oh, I know who I would turn to – children of course!

With children you don’t have to explain anything – when you are with them you just plunge into the sea of light, cleanliness and joy radiating on you through their mere existence, and the only thing that makes you sad is the realization that they are innocently unaware of the dirt awaiting them in the adult world.

But let us brush all sadness away for a time being and enjoy ourselves while we can!

And then came an understanding that this is exactly what Michael Jackson did.

Michael must have been so deeply traumatized by the hypocrisy and cultural decay of the people around him that he minimized his contacts with them and filled the void with hard work in his studio, some indispensable business contacts he couldn’t avoid and a friendship with those few who were a similar kind.

And the only sacred place where he could freely breathe and be totally himself, was the place reserved by him for those little magical people – first the kids of his friends and then his own children. This place was a kind of an inner sanctuary for him into which he escaped at his first opportunity, leaving all the trouble on the outside.

This sanctuary was a place to clean himself in and renew his energy as well as restore some belief in the good of human kind which was so heavily shattered by his real-life experience.

And by the way Elton John was right when he said that MJ “was just gone, off into a world of his own. God knows what was going on in his head” with the only difference that we know why he was gone into a world of his own and what was going in his head.

I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to understand it. Frankly, if it weren’t for that dark journey into the Hollywood underbelly I wouldn’t have been able to feel what children meant to Michael and why he preferred their company to adults.

Association with them was a paradise on earth for Michael Jackson and the only way he could really survive.

Here is just a fraction what he used to say:

I pray a lot. I see a beautiful sunset and I say “God, that’s beautiful…Thank you”, or a baby smile or butterfly wings or anything like that.


There have been times in my life when I, like everyone, has had to wonder about God’s existence. When Prince smiles, when Paris giggles, I have no doubts. Children are God’s gift to us. No — they are more than that — they are the very form of God’s energy and creativity and love. He is to be found in their innocence, experienced in their playfulness.


When I see children, I see the face of God. That’s why I love them so much. That’s what I see.


Love is the human family’s most precious legacy, its richest bequest, its golden inheritance.


For me, love is something very pure.


Forever, continue to love, heal and educate the children, the future shines on them.


Nothing is more important than our children. They are the future. They can heal the world. It is our obligation to be there for them.


I see God in the face of children. If there were no children on this Earth, if somebody announced that all kids are dead, I would jump off the balcony immediately. I’m done.

Do I need to explain any further or you already see it?

11 Comments leave one →
  1. November 29, 2020 9:16 am

    As much as I generally agree that there is hipocrisy in the way Michael is being covered by the press, this is not it imo. What people do in their free time is up to them. Noone is forcing anyone to participate. It’s ridiculous to compare these people‘s kinks or sexual behaviors (BDSM, sex clubs or whatever) to the pedophilia that MJ was being accused of. And to ask why the press is not judging it the same way – well because (obviously!) this is consensual. Which is why this is not immoral, regardless of whether you personally find it distasteful (I do too). Child abuse however absolutely is.

    The Elton John analysis was interesting. Him portraying MJ in this negative way is pathetic and not justified.


  2. Petra permalink
    November 29, 2020 10:03 am

    Thank you,Helena,for being constantly positive in Michaels name, thank you. You always work on him and do the best work. Petra from Germany


  3. luv4hutch permalink
    November 29, 2020 11:29 am

    A bit of context about Elton and his mother, Sheila Dwight. Your talk about them makes it seem like Elton’s reactions were just out of the blue. But Sheila Dwight was a very mercurial, unpleasant, in fact, downright hateful and toxic woman, who makes Joseph Jackson at his worst look like a choir boy.

    According to Elton’s long-departed and beloved grandmother Ivy, Sheila went above and beyond the standards of postwar Britain, which was quite free with corporal punishment, to do things that were considered too far for those days: as part of toilet training young Elton, or Reggie Dwight, as he was born, she would smack his rear with a wire brush for not going into the potty. If he was constipated, she would stick carbolic soap up his rectum. Thankfully, Elton doesn’t remember any of that. But what he does remember is quite astonishing in terms of emotional abuse.

    Besides the obvious strife with Elton’s father, Stanley, which Elton has said “they were two people who really never should’ve been married”, Sheila was best known for holding grudges for absurd lengths of time. She refused to speak to her own sister for seven years because she thought she’d put skim milk in Sheila’s tea. That’s no exaggeration, either! She moved to Menorca for a time to get out of an argument with relatives, so she could avoid seeing them and not apologize.

    Elton never hated his mother. On the contrary, he loved her very much, and grieved her death as much as anyone would or should. But she certainly made things difficult, even when he tried to be the better person. On the day of his civil union with David Furnish, Sheila complained about everything, to the point that Sharon Osbourne came up to Elton and said, “I know she’s your mother, but I want so badly to smack her.” It wasn’t just her. Virtually every guest at the ceremony complained to Elton about her. Sheila complained to the press she wasn’t allowed to wear a hat for the ceremony, but pictures of her show her in a hat. The truth was simply that she didn’t like that Elton was cutting the apron strings, or had finally found someone he was happy with, because she’d been certain he’d never find a lasting relationship.

    The thing that seemed to have driven Elton and Sheila apart was when Elton fired some of his staff members in order to put his affairs in better order, people Sheila was personally friends with. Sheila escalated the conflict to a ludicrous extent, which made Elton decide to cut her off, leaving her to complain to the press “he cares more about David than me,” and blaming Furnish as the reason. She then said “I haven’t seen my grandchildren since they were born.” Elton actually talked to a therapist to work out his feelings with her, especially after he nearly died from a viral infection. So he went to make peace. She did come to his house, where she said “I forgot how small it is.” He invited her to meet his sons Zachary and Elijah, but contrary to her complaints, she didn’t even want to meet them. Elton gritted his teeth and said, “look, despite it all, I love you.” Sheila responded, “I love you, too. But I don’t like you.” And it took Elton all his strength not to respond. Things remained like that until Sheila finally died. So, Sheila bears plenty of blame for the rift, and Elton did try hard to be the better person. And naturally, it came harder to him than to someone like Michael, who could quite confidently declare in a speech to Oxford University “I forgive my father.”

    Elton has actually striven hard to improve himself, be better, and recognizes he’s lucky, and by all accounts shouldn’t be alive, that many people are luckier than him.

    Of course, it is sad to admit that while Michael always thought of Elton as a friend and dedicated Blood on the Dance Floor to him, saying he was the reason he got over his Demerol addiction, Elton wasn’t actually a friend to Michael, because he only believed the media caricature of him. Especially because Elton made sure not to believe such images of other people he considered very dear friends, like John Lennon or Freddie Mercury, the latter of which was subject to a constant degree of fake news and ludicrous, parasitic tabloid coverage, and was in a similar situation to Michael, though not as extreme. It’s sad and disheartening to be sure.

    Also, though it’s not intended as a straight biopic, but a fantasy musical, I recommend you watch the movie Rocketman, which is about Elton, and captures the emotional truth about him, especially his tantrums, and his immediate remorse and moving to make it up right after.


  4. November 29, 2020 12:15 pm

    “Elton never hated his mother. On the contrary, he loved her very much, and grieved her death as much as anyone would or should.” – luv4hutch

    Oh yes, he did, very much so. His recollections of her after her death are the best proof of it. And contrary to what you think of me I perfectly know the context as I studied it inside out before writing this piece. Elton John could have at least visited his stepfather in a hospital, who loved him very much and who died after a long disease without ever seeing him, or could have come to his funeral which Elton never did either.

    But it is not my business to judge Elton John this way or another. The only thing I wanted to point out is that Elton John and Michael Jackson were worlds apart in terms of their culture and moral values. And the same goes for the majority of those in the entertainment business.

    Michael Jackson was their opposite.

    Michael used to say that he was a gentleman, and though this statement referred to him never bragging or telling stories about the women he loved, the same equally refers to his parents and even siblings, many of whom gave him a very hard time.

    So if Michael had someone to complain about he would have simply kept silent. Even his complaints about his father were rare, not that public and very scarce at that. The difference between Michael and all others manifests itself even in this point, not to mention everything else.

    Again, you can reverse the situation and imagine that Michael Jackson is writing his memoirs about the deceased Elton John. Could he be as judgmental as Elton John is and would he pick at him for some small inconveniences the other man caused him?



  5. November 29, 2020 12:19 pm

    “It’s ridiculous to compare these people‘s kinks or sexual behaviors (BDSM, sex clubs or whatever) to the pedophilia that MJ was being accused of.” – janahs

    Logical mistake. You cannot compare what people really do with what people don’t do and are just baselessly accused of.


  6. November 29, 2020 12:36 pm

    “Thank you,Helena,for being constantly positive in Michaels name. You always work on him and do the best work. Petra from Germany”

    Petra, thank you too. Please don’t think that I’ve abandoned Michael – no, far from it. I was just reading a lot and going through a rather hard time myself. However looking at the bright side of it, it gave me a much deeper understanding of Michael Jackson as well as the present and past of America, and its role for all of us. If I have a chance I will share my thoughts here.

    And besides that, my own escapism helped me to understand Michael’s like no other :)))


  7. Veronica permalink
    November 29, 2020 4:58 pm

    Helena, I told you: I adore you, I love the way you defend Michael, the way you spread the truth, everyone should read your articles. I strongly believe that it wasn’t Michael that couldn’t cope with adults, it was this world that couldn’t cope with him, he was the last pure soul in the industry, he was on a different level than everyone else. Thank you for your work, please keep doing, Michael is smiling over you🤗
    With gratitude

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Nan permalink
    November 30, 2020 6:17 pm

    Just want to mention, Sheryl Berkoff is now married, many years to Rob Lowe. Who had his own problems with a 16 yr old and a sex tape , years ago.
    Both very popular people in Hollywood circles
    Also, good friends with tom barrack (small world)

    As for Hollywood /Ca..I remember when MJ was filming, going back to Gary, Indiana, he was correcting someone,when they said he liked Ca..
    He said , NO, he liked neverland
    HOllywood was not his scene, and they all knew it
    I think, they resented him because he wouldn’t play along..
    Think TAJ, alluded to that in a YouTube interview, also
    They just used him, for his ideas

    Liza Minnelli, said MJ really had no business, with his religious background , being in entertainment, but he didn’t sign up , for that life, his parents did..

    If you recall a picture of MJ with Scott Thornton and Liberace, in a car , he looked very uncomfortable.
    Very flamboyant people
    Same as Elton..
    I dont think he liked to be stuck in the middle of drama, like that.

    Why would anyone want to be on the sidelines , with a family drama playing out , with two dramatic people, and a disapproving mother..
    MJ tried to avoid conflict.

    So in that situation, I think MJ was just looking for solace from the storm, and left the luncheon..
    However, some people live for that stuff
    Elton, going back and forth , over that show, makes him seem to need a lot of attention..

    I think Elton , putting this stuff in his book, was just to throw some dirt in, to entertain people..
    It’s more a poor reflection on his own character and self esteem, than MJ..
    Imagine , having all that fame , and esteem, and yet, you need to throw dirt at the dead , for your book..


  9. luv4hutch permalink
    December 1, 2020 11:41 pm

    All right, you say you can’t stand or support “progressive” Hollywood?

    Then what, dare I ask, is your opinion of Ted Nugent, who is as conservative as can be? What do you believe he is, regarding morality and “family values?, since he always trumpets that so loudly about himself?


  10. luv4hutch permalink
    December 4, 2020 6:04 pm

    If you don’t want to answer that one, fine. I was just being a little flippant, and I apologize.

    But there’s another person you might like to compare Michael’s situation to. It’s a lot more happy and pleasant than Elton’s thoughtless words about Michael. In fact, Michael doesn’t actually appear in it at all. But it’s a definite comparison, which bears out Elton’s words of “all creative people have their moments.”

    Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys is recognized by many music fans as a genius for his incredible, painstaking arrangements for his songs and intricate recording techniques using primitive technology in the ’60s. He turned The Beach Boys from another surf rock-based group into a real American band, musical contemporaries on par with The Beatles, especially in terms of reinvention. The album Pet Sounds is considered one of the most important and best albums ever made.

    But due to a variety of factors, including reacting to trauma from his father’s constant abuse, prickly relations with The Beach Boys’ lead singer, his cousin Mike Love, indulging in too many drugs, and suffering from schizoaffective disorder, Brian famously fell apart during the making of what was to be the band’s masterpiece, SMiLE. His behavior became erratic and uncontrollable, he started suffering auditory hallucinations. He became a hermit who famously was unable to get out of bed; he chased his burnout with junk food and more drugs, becoming dangerously overweight and hairy.

    At a loss of what to do, a therapist named Eugene Landy was hired to save Brian. It seemed to get results, but Landy ended up having Brian under his clutches, taking control of every aspect of his life, overmedicating him, having him unable to make any decisions on his own, and even cutting himself into Brian’s career. Eventually, the family took legal action to have Brian emancipated from Landy’s control, and he began a slow and steady recovery.

    Now Brian is quite healthy, making amazing music again, including making a solo album that finished SMiLE once and for all, and even has been touring, which was something he loathed in the old days. However, relations between him and Mike Love continue to be quite unpleasant, and Love is basically considered by many as “the biggest asshole in rock and roll.” And yet, there is clearly still warmth and affection there between them, even as Love tours with The Beach Boys name with no other original members and still talks fairly disparagingly of a number of Brian’s work, particularly of Pet Sounds and SMiLE, and flails about desperately to defend himself. Brian doesn’t particularly hold a grudge, because life’s too short and all that. He even has no ill will towards Landy, and says there was some good in him. But he’s definitely happy to be free. Much of this story has been told in Brian’s 2015 memoir, “I Am Brian Wilson”, and the biopic “Love & Mercy.”

    Here’s a Cliff Notes of it, when he and his current wife Melinda did an interview on Larry King Live in 2004:

    Of course, I’m sure it will aggravate you some more, in that when Brian suffered his breakdown and fell apart, the media didn’t treat him like Michael.


  11. December 6, 2020 3:22 pm

    If you don’t want to answer that one, fine.” – luv4hutch

    It’s not that I didn’t want to answer you – I was simply busy reading James Hunter’s books and writing a new post. As regards Ted Nugent I don’t see your point – there are indeed many exotic personalities among progressives and conservatives in Hollywood and elsewhere, but should I cover them all?

    there’s another person you might like to compare Michael’s situation to. Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys is recognized by many music fans as a genius. …when Brian suffered his breakdown and fell apart, the media didn’t treat him like Michael.

    Thank you for the story about Brian Wilson. Now I have at least some idea of this musician. And you yourself proved exactly what I always noticed about the media covering MJ and all others. They definitely reserve for him their harshest treatment and are openly unjust to him. There must be a reason for it and this is what I want to find.


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